Tomorrow will be my last post for awhile because I will be concentrating all of my writing a full novel in a month, a mental marathon that will surely challenge me in a very productive way. Tomorrow's post will detail the last of Benjamin Franklin's areas of self improvement, which I think will require me to be more alert than I currently am at this time of night (morning). Today's post will just try to reflect on the month of discipline, the lessons learned and the setbacks and accomplishments encountered along the way.
Firstly, from this month I have realized the magnitude of the trek yet in front of me to reach self-discipline mastery. It alway seems like self-discipline is easy when you picture it in your mind, but the day-to-day trials of willpower often are unbearable. For example, it seems easy to start a new diet; you say 'sure, I just won't eat that bad food.' But then, you find yourself craving some greasy food after a hard day of work, when your will-power is at its weakest. This is the moment of truth, when making the correct choice is so difficult. I am not at the point yet where I am immune to such temptation when I am at my weakest. Someday, I hope to be at that point.
There are two accomplishments that I am particularily proud of: Not drinking for three weeks, and a day of fasting. My friends drink alot, and so I often find myself drinking alot (up to 3-4x a week). For three weeks I avoided beverages, instead substituting caffeine for alcohol. I learned that not drinking is something I can handle, although drinking occasionally is fun. There were certainly times in which I was very tempted to get a beer, because everyone else was drinking, and to avoid the inevitable ribbing for not drinking. However, I stayed true. The other accomplishment that I was proud of was fasting for a day. Going twenty four hours without food was difficult for me, although not unbearable. It gave such purpose to that day, though. It was a day I won't soon forget. The day lasted forever, and I was productive and focused. The last few hours were the hardest, and the flavor of the food when the fast was finally broken was delicious. In both cases, I proved that when I promise myself I will accomplish something, I can keep true to my word.
This had led to my next two challenges, which are both very ambitious and hopefully will keep my self-discipline progress strong. I am aiming to run a marathon in February, which will require intense willpower in training and in running the actual race. In addition, I am planning on writing a novel in the month of November, something I have never done but which I have wanted to. As a result of these challenges, my fitness and my writing will both improve, and at the same time, my self-discipline will be further honed. I can only imagine what the next round of challenges will be after these! The exciting thing is that I am beginning to anticipate the fufillment of these challenges; I do not doubt my own resolve. My confidence in my abilities is growing.
However, I am still weak. I waste time that I should be productive with, reading news sites, obsessively checking email, and otherwise avoiding work. This must change, as my time on this planet is infinitely valuable, it is a finite consumable that will too soon be exhausted. Of course, there will always be room for improvement, but this aspect is one that certainly deserves my focus.
In conclusion, the month of self-discipline was a good first step. I am not yet a self-discipline ninja, but I am attempting to keep the momentum I've built in the month by commiting myself (perhaps overcomitting) to two new projects. I'll keep striving and working until one day I will have conquered my primal self and only the higher levels of consciousness will remain. My self-promise will be as good as gold. Someday, some distant day...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Day Twenty Six: Chastity
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
Today in one of my last posts for this month of discipline, I will review one of the last of Benjamin Franklin's self-improvement principles, one that is a bit controversial: Chastity. The way I interpret this, Ben is saying that as in all other things, sex is best in moderation, and should not hurt anyone. I completely agree, and have been guilty in the past of not abiding by this rule.
It is of no surprise why: The human sex drive is strong. This makes sense because reproduction is crucial to propagating one's genes, and so the more we reproduce the better in terms of our evolutionary fitness. Once again, our genes conspire against us and must be conquered with self-control.
Sex is not inherently a bad thing; it can be a way to express in physical terms the emotional connection between two people in love, or perhaps merely a fun way to exercise between two consenting adults. However, sometimes sex is a means for a man to exploit a woman; we all know the stereotypes of men who would say anything to get a woman into bed, making false promises and employing devious tricks to get past the woman's defense. While this might be defensible in terms of blind genes driving us to do things, 'my genes made me do it' is not a valid argument. Our genes are not in ultimate control of us, we make conscious decisions to do things and thus the buck stops with our intention, not our genes. Our genes, though they produced us, cede control to our brain although they try to influence us with their indirect means of influence such as the sex drive.
What I've learned about sex is that it is somewhat hollow when your partner is not someone you are ultimately interested in. Despite what movies and culture may espouse about men who are able to bed many women, the hype does not live up to the reality, at least in my view. As loathe as I am to say it, sex is likely best reserved for a meaningful long term relationship. or at least a well-acknowledged short term one. There was a time when I viewed my desires for sex as my animal heritage, something that I should not deny; but this merely led to hurting women by satisfying my desires. It is not our animal desires that make us human, but our ability to supress them! The one thing that separates us from the animals is our conscious ability to rebel against our genes.
So, during my youth I would not have conceded the merit of Ben Franklin's stance, but now I am mature enough to realize that he is right; sex is a powerful act, one that should not be pursued blindly for its own sake, but is best in a certain meaningful context. As a powerful act, one should always remember the dangerous side of sex, such as pregnancy and stds. Less dramatically, the emotional impact of sex, especially on women, can be incredibly painful. Women, evolutionarily, have much more invested in sex then men; sex represents nine months of energy devoted to the genes of only one man. Thus, a women is careful about sex, and acts as a gatekeepr. Men, on the other hand, can inseminate an almost limitless amount of women in the same time, with no direct comitment (becuase they do not carry the baby). This is the heart of the evolutionary conflict between man and woman.
The conflict is this: Men, in general, tend to prefer polygamy, while women tend to prefer monogamy. This is a general statement, so of course there will be exceptions. But as a general rule, it makes sense because of the relative investments of men and women in sex. There is no silver bullet to solving this conflict; men want lots of varied partners, while women would prefer the man to stay true.
For awhile, I struggled with this realization; I could deny myself sex, or hurt women whom I didn't really want a long term relationship with. In the end, I realized that conquering my desire for sex is a way for me to conquer my genes and resolve the conflict. I want to do no harm, and by blindly following the whimsical desires of my gene-guided hormones I was inflicting harm. The solution is to rebel against the genes, overthrow the control they hold on me.
So now, I must practice this virtue of chastity until I find someone that I can really connect with, which is somewhat of a rareity. All roads lead to control of self and denying our primal insticts; this is what it truly means to be human.
Today in one of my last posts for this month of discipline, I will review one of the last of Benjamin Franklin's self-improvement principles, one that is a bit controversial: Chastity. The way I interpret this, Ben is saying that as in all other things, sex is best in moderation, and should not hurt anyone. I completely agree, and have been guilty in the past of not abiding by this rule.
It is of no surprise why: The human sex drive is strong. This makes sense because reproduction is crucial to propagating one's genes, and so the more we reproduce the better in terms of our evolutionary fitness. Once again, our genes conspire against us and must be conquered with self-control.
Sex is not inherently a bad thing; it can be a way to express in physical terms the emotional connection between two people in love, or perhaps merely a fun way to exercise between two consenting adults. However, sometimes sex is a means for a man to exploit a woman; we all know the stereotypes of men who would say anything to get a woman into bed, making false promises and employing devious tricks to get past the woman's defense. While this might be defensible in terms of blind genes driving us to do things, 'my genes made me do it' is not a valid argument. Our genes are not in ultimate control of us, we make conscious decisions to do things and thus the buck stops with our intention, not our genes. Our genes, though they produced us, cede control to our brain although they try to influence us with their indirect means of influence such as the sex drive.
What I've learned about sex is that it is somewhat hollow when your partner is not someone you are ultimately interested in. Despite what movies and culture may espouse about men who are able to bed many women, the hype does not live up to the reality, at least in my view. As loathe as I am to say it, sex is likely best reserved for a meaningful long term relationship. or at least a well-acknowledged short term one. There was a time when I viewed my desires for sex as my animal heritage, something that I should not deny; but this merely led to hurting women by satisfying my desires. It is not our animal desires that make us human, but our ability to supress them! The one thing that separates us from the animals is our conscious ability to rebel against our genes.
So, during my youth I would not have conceded the merit of Ben Franklin's stance, but now I am mature enough to realize that he is right; sex is a powerful act, one that should not be pursued blindly for its own sake, but is best in a certain meaningful context. As a powerful act, one should always remember the dangerous side of sex, such as pregnancy and stds. Less dramatically, the emotional impact of sex, especially on women, can be incredibly painful. Women, evolutionarily, have much more invested in sex then men; sex represents nine months of energy devoted to the genes of only one man. Thus, a women is careful about sex, and acts as a gatekeepr. Men, on the other hand, can inseminate an almost limitless amount of women in the same time, with no direct comitment (becuase they do not carry the baby). This is the heart of the evolutionary conflict between man and woman.
The conflict is this: Men, in general, tend to prefer polygamy, while women tend to prefer monogamy. This is a general statement, so of course there will be exceptions. But as a general rule, it makes sense because of the relative investments of men and women in sex. There is no silver bullet to solving this conflict; men want lots of varied partners, while women would prefer the man to stay true.
For awhile, I struggled with this realization; I could deny myself sex, or hurt women whom I didn't really want a long term relationship with. In the end, I realized that conquering my desire for sex is a way for me to conquer my genes and resolve the conflict. I want to do no harm, and by blindly following the whimsical desires of my gene-guided hormones I was inflicting harm. The solution is to rebel against the genes, overthrow the control they hold on me.
So now, I must practice this virtue of chastity until I find someone that I can really connect with, which is somewhat of a rareity. All roads lead to control of self and denying our primal insticts; this is what it truly means to be human.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Day Twenty Five: Tranquility
TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
As my month of discipline comes to a close, I want to finish writings about the rest of Ben Franklin's impressive areas of self-improvment. There are only two more after this one, so my goal is within reach. After Halloween, as November starts, this blog will fall into disrepair for a month as I concentrate on my marathon and writing a novel in only thirty days!
A reinterpretation of Ben Franklin's idea of tranquility is "don't fret the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." The idea is to simply take things in stride, to keep one's cool. How easy it is to find oneself incredibly aggrevated by a simple traffic jam or upset at oneself for making a trivial mistake. And yet, in the grand scheme of things, what initially seems to be a massive hindrence is soon forgotton.
The benefit of practicing tranquility is lower bloodpressure and overall contentment. People will notice that you are not purely reactive, that you have an inner calm most don't possess. When things don't go your way, you do not explode, you are not moved, you are unaffected.
At the risk of contributing even more to my overcomittedness, I think five minutes of quiet meditation a day would do wonders for my tranquility; this meditation can take place while I am stuck in traffic or perhaps as I start my morning. Meditation can ground oneself, prepare oneself for the hectic day ahead, allow time to slow for a moment to a crawl.
Tranquility is related to self-discipline and self-control because it is fundamentally about controlling our reactions to outside events. Someone who is tranquil domainates their intial reaction to an unpleasent event such that they appear unaffected. To practice tranquility is thus by proxy an excercise in self-discipline, as is the case with most of the other areas of self-improvement.
The first step to being tranquil is to recognize what events are most likely to annoy or otherwise elicit a negative reactive response from you. For me, I often become aggravated when driving or when I feel I have been slighted or ignored. In these cases, I cede control of my happiness to external events instead of maintaining at all times control; I should be happy not for external reasons, but by the nature of my self.
Once one recognizes the areas in which they demonstrate weakness to tranquility, it is merely a steady exercise in actively reducing the reaction over time by being actively aware of it. This sounds simple, but obviously it is hard to accomplish as it is basically a raw exercise in willpower. But, over time, as awareness of overreaction to an external stimuli rises, it becomes easier to reduce the reaction. The ultimate goal (which is slightly unrealistic) is to be completely unaffected by this external stimuli.
So, in my day to day life, I will try to be aware of when I am full of reactionary anger, and reverse-engineer its source. Then, I will actively try to diminish over time my reaction to this source. Meditation will also allow me to be more mellow. In time, with deliberate practice, I will be in control of my own contentment instead of being vulnerable to outside influences.
As my month of discipline comes to a close, I want to finish writings about the rest of Ben Franklin's impressive areas of self-improvment. There are only two more after this one, so my goal is within reach. After Halloween, as November starts, this blog will fall into disrepair for a month as I concentrate on my marathon and writing a novel in only thirty days!
A reinterpretation of Ben Franklin's idea of tranquility is "don't fret the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." The idea is to simply take things in stride, to keep one's cool. How easy it is to find oneself incredibly aggrevated by a simple traffic jam or upset at oneself for making a trivial mistake. And yet, in the grand scheme of things, what initially seems to be a massive hindrence is soon forgotton.
The benefit of practicing tranquility is lower bloodpressure and overall contentment. People will notice that you are not purely reactive, that you have an inner calm most don't possess. When things don't go your way, you do not explode, you are not moved, you are unaffected.
At the risk of contributing even more to my overcomittedness, I think five minutes of quiet meditation a day would do wonders for my tranquility; this meditation can take place while I am stuck in traffic or perhaps as I start my morning. Meditation can ground oneself, prepare oneself for the hectic day ahead, allow time to slow for a moment to a crawl.
Tranquility is related to self-discipline and self-control because it is fundamentally about controlling our reactions to outside events. Someone who is tranquil domainates their intial reaction to an unpleasent event such that they appear unaffected. To practice tranquility is thus by proxy an excercise in self-discipline, as is the case with most of the other areas of self-improvement.
The first step to being tranquil is to recognize what events are most likely to annoy or otherwise elicit a negative reactive response from you. For me, I often become aggravated when driving or when I feel I have been slighted or ignored. In these cases, I cede control of my happiness to external events instead of maintaining at all times control; I should be happy not for external reasons, but by the nature of my self.
Once one recognizes the areas in which they demonstrate weakness to tranquility, it is merely a steady exercise in actively reducing the reaction over time by being actively aware of it. This sounds simple, but obviously it is hard to accomplish as it is basically a raw exercise in willpower. But, over time, as awareness of overreaction to an external stimuli rises, it becomes easier to reduce the reaction. The ultimate goal (which is slightly unrealistic) is to be completely unaffected by this external stimuli.
So, in my day to day life, I will try to be aware of when I am full of reactionary anger, and reverse-engineer its source. Then, I will actively try to diminish over time my reaction to this source. Meditation will also allow me to be more mellow. In time, with deliberate practice, I will be in control of my own contentment instead of being vulnerable to outside influences.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Day Twenty Four: Cleanliness
CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
It is generally accepted that it is better to be clean than unclean, but why? Instinctually we feel that uncleanliness is gross, it is a social taboo. The reason why this social taboo is engrained in us is likely because uncleanliness can lead to sickness, which may in turn lead to death. Thus, there may be some genetic basis for a behavior of cleanness.
My problems with cleanliness are not related to the body or my clothes, but to my habitation. While I enjoy wearing fresh clothes and showering to avoid perpetuating a nice armoa of body odor, I loathe to clean up my house. The reason is that it feels like a menial task, one that I get nothing from, one that should be pushed aside to tackle issues of greater importance. So, it seems like this is a perfect task to engage in daily self-discipline practice. I must force myself to clean each day so that my habitation remains clean at all time, and reap the benefits of self-discipline exercise.
The first thing I should do, so that I can perpetuate this cleaning task, is to ensure that I have proper cleaning equiptment, that I am able to dust, that I am able to vacuum, that I can do everything that I should. While for whatever reason I dislike this sort of intitial investment, they are necessary items that I can use where-ever I live.
After I have the supplies, I simply need to set aside time each day, as I have for German lessons and writing this blog, that I will clean in. The hardest part of any new routine is making it a habit, not allowing for it to be an option in your mind, but a strict requirement without which the day is incomplete. The difficulty comes from tiredness, when you are ready to sleep, when the day wants so badly to end, but you have not yet finished your chores. This is when self-discipline becomes the hardest to practice, but is most important. When one makes a promise to oneself, it should never be broken. With repetition, you will realize that once you commit to a task, it is as good as done already.
But I digress...what is important here is cleanliness and developing habits that encourage a clean house. One habit I am going to try to enforce is to never do something in the spirit of laziness that I now will make the room even temporarily less clean. For example, dirty clothes often accumulate on the floor of my bathroom, eventually making the room a minefield of dirty gym clothes. From now on, I will always put things in their proper place, even when I am tired.
While I do not like the act of cleaning, I do enjoy a clean room. I feel less stress, more in charge of the situation, even though technically it would seem as if a dirty room is as functional as a clean one. Soon I will consistently know the feeling of a clean room, the reward for the menial chores of manual labor.
It is generally accepted that it is better to be clean than unclean, but why? Instinctually we feel that uncleanliness is gross, it is a social taboo. The reason why this social taboo is engrained in us is likely because uncleanliness can lead to sickness, which may in turn lead to death. Thus, there may be some genetic basis for a behavior of cleanness.
My problems with cleanliness are not related to the body or my clothes, but to my habitation. While I enjoy wearing fresh clothes and showering to avoid perpetuating a nice armoa of body odor, I loathe to clean up my house. The reason is that it feels like a menial task, one that I get nothing from, one that should be pushed aside to tackle issues of greater importance. So, it seems like this is a perfect task to engage in daily self-discipline practice. I must force myself to clean each day so that my habitation remains clean at all time, and reap the benefits of self-discipline exercise.
The first thing I should do, so that I can perpetuate this cleaning task, is to ensure that I have proper cleaning equiptment, that I am able to dust, that I am able to vacuum, that I can do everything that I should. While for whatever reason I dislike this sort of intitial investment, they are necessary items that I can use where-ever I live.
After I have the supplies, I simply need to set aside time each day, as I have for German lessons and writing this blog, that I will clean in. The hardest part of any new routine is making it a habit, not allowing for it to be an option in your mind, but a strict requirement without which the day is incomplete. The difficulty comes from tiredness, when you are ready to sleep, when the day wants so badly to end, but you have not yet finished your chores. This is when self-discipline becomes the hardest to practice, but is most important. When one makes a promise to oneself, it should never be broken. With repetition, you will realize that once you commit to a task, it is as good as done already.
But I digress...what is important here is cleanliness and developing habits that encourage a clean house. One habit I am going to try to enforce is to never do something in the spirit of laziness that I now will make the room even temporarily less clean. For example, dirty clothes often accumulate on the floor of my bathroom, eventually making the room a minefield of dirty gym clothes. From now on, I will always put things in their proper place, even when I am tired.
While I do not like the act of cleaning, I do enjoy a clean room. I feel less stress, more in charge of the situation, even though technically it would seem as if a dirty room is as functional as a clean one. Soon I will consistently know the feeling of a clean room, the reward for the menial chores of manual labor.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Day Twenty Three: Overcommiting?
Perhaps I've gone overboard in constructing too many goals for the near term. However, it is only by great effort that one can become great. I've decided that not only will I run a marathon in February, but I also will commit to writing an entire novel in the month of November, as a part of National novel writing month. I've always wanted to write a novel, so why wait? Of course, dear readers (you invisible souls), during novel writing month I will have to pause my activity here in order to dedicate all of my writing abilities to the mental marathon that such a large task will require.
On top of my mental marathon and actual marathon, I will have to maintain my research responsibilties as well; so, the question is, am I setting myself up for failure? Maybe. Maybe I am. But, if I can pull off this herculean task, it will be through efficient use of time and extraordinary self control. This month will have been but a warm up to greater challenges.
I am both excited and scared; these next few months will be months of great change. I am ready to embrace the destiny that awaits me at the end of these arduous tasks, and while the temptation will be strong to quit, I know that I will not, because I am a stronger person than I was only a few weeks ago, and that strength has not yet reached its apex. My will grows and I will grow with it.
We only live once, and at the end of our lives, as we sit nearly infirm in our beds, we will reflect on what we did. I do not want to reflect and wish that I had been better, had done more, had attempted what scared me. This month has been about generating momentum, and the months that follow are about exponentially ramping up that momentum so that I, like the juggernaut, can crash through the self-limiting beliefs and walls that I have erected for myself over so many years.
Today, I felt so alive, so vibrant, even as I slaved away on a paper. I knew that I could handle whatever it is that life would throw at me. I like this changed me, I like where I am heading. Although the path will be terribly difficult, and I will not often feel as positive as I do today, I believe sincerely that I will be better because of this journey and do not want to concede defeat just yet.
In november I will write fifty thousand words, and in february I will take fifty thousand steps, the body will follow where the mind leads. Now, while I have the vantage point of a manic high I revel already in the completion of my goals, which will only be accomplished through the tedium of day to day work. I may fail, this I acknowledge; but I hope I do not, I hope that me in a few weeks can maintain this momentum and force through the short term pain to reach long term freedom from my self-destructive habits.
Tomorrow will be the first run for marathon training, I must get a new pair of shoes to christen for this momentous occassion. My momentum must accumulate, I must keep moving.
On top of my mental marathon and actual marathon, I will have to maintain my research responsibilties as well; so, the question is, am I setting myself up for failure? Maybe. Maybe I am. But, if I can pull off this herculean task, it will be through efficient use of time and extraordinary self control. This month will have been but a warm up to greater challenges.
I am both excited and scared; these next few months will be months of great change. I am ready to embrace the destiny that awaits me at the end of these arduous tasks, and while the temptation will be strong to quit, I know that I will not, because I am a stronger person than I was only a few weeks ago, and that strength has not yet reached its apex. My will grows and I will grow with it.
We only live once, and at the end of our lives, as we sit nearly infirm in our beds, we will reflect on what we did. I do not want to reflect and wish that I had been better, had done more, had attempted what scared me. This month has been about generating momentum, and the months that follow are about exponentially ramping up that momentum so that I, like the juggernaut, can crash through the self-limiting beliefs and walls that I have erected for myself over so many years.
Today, I felt so alive, so vibrant, even as I slaved away on a paper. I knew that I could handle whatever it is that life would throw at me. I like this changed me, I like where I am heading. Although the path will be terribly difficult, and I will not often feel as positive as I do today, I believe sincerely that I will be better because of this journey and do not want to concede defeat just yet.
In november I will write fifty thousand words, and in february I will take fifty thousand steps, the body will follow where the mind leads. Now, while I have the vantage point of a manic high I revel already in the completion of my goals, which will only be accomplished through the tedium of day to day work. I may fail, this I acknowledge; but I hope I do not, I hope that me in a few weeks can maintain this momentum and force through the short term pain to reach long term freedom from my self-destructive habits.
Tomorrow will be the first run for marathon training, I must get a new pair of shoes to christen for this momentous occassion. My momentum must accumulate, I must keep moving.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Day Twenty Two: The Plateau Destoyer
The past few days, I felt as if I had reached a plateau in my month of self-discipline; I was meeting my goals, but it felt like I wasn't challenging myself as much as I should be. So, while I was at a Halloween party (and not drinking!) yesterday, a girl mentioned that she had begun training for a marathon. Somehow, I convinced myself that the best idea for me would be to follow suit.
And now, I am telling people about my decision so that I am locked in and invested. It is a natural next step, one that will carry me far beyond my month of discipline. it will affect my diet, my activities, and challenge me to a great extent. It is in some ways a perfect fit, although I do dread the long runs and the infamous 'wall'.
At the same time, I wonder why we have this obsession with the marathon. So many people make such a big deal out if it. To be honest, I don't think I will feel any differently after completing the run, after all, it is just some arbitrary goal of running for an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary amount of time. Who cares? Well, I'm not really that cynical, but the whole point is that it is a very challenging task that most people are unable to accomplish and that, barring injury, I will accomplish in approximately four months.
Incremental progress, thats the name of the marathon game. I looked at the workout plans, and you can just see the mileage per week creep up over time. I am both excited and scared for this new task; I wonder if I have time and energy to divert from my studies to this new goal. Although perhaps this concern is unwarranted; I will have nothing but my thoughts to save me from boredom and my mind will inevitably drift to the problems of my research.
As was said in the Bruce Lee movie, "Enter the Dragon": We forge our bodies in the furnace of our will. So my body will become a lean running machine through the repetition of many steps on many different days. Each individual run will have negligable effect, but over time, as moving water slowly carves a river, I will carve twenty six miles and enter an elite subclass (1%) of all people living on this globe.
Each day I will be forced to excercise not only my body but also my willpower. I do not enjoy running for running's sake, it is a means to an end on my quest for self-discipline. I know that I am becoming more disciplined, but my progress is not yet satisfactory. This difficult path that will unfold slowly and painfully and culminate in a few hours of running and more days of recovery, is but a physical analogy for the process of denying my primal instincts. Instead of sitting on a couch eating fried chicken day in and out (which might be a sort of wonderful heaven), I engage my willpower to take me out in the world and accomplish the tasks I have set for myself.
Four months from now, I will have finished my first (and most likely, only) marathon.
And now, I am telling people about my decision so that I am locked in and invested. It is a natural next step, one that will carry me far beyond my month of discipline. it will affect my diet, my activities, and challenge me to a great extent. It is in some ways a perfect fit, although I do dread the long runs and the infamous 'wall'.
At the same time, I wonder why we have this obsession with the marathon. So many people make such a big deal out if it. To be honest, I don't think I will feel any differently after completing the run, after all, it is just some arbitrary goal of running for an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary amount of time. Who cares? Well, I'm not really that cynical, but the whole point is that it is a very challenging task that most people are unable to accomplish and that, barring injury, I will accomplish in approximately four months.
Incremental progress, thats the name of the marathon game. I looked at the workout plans, and you can just see the mileage per week creep up over time. I am both excited and scared for this new task; I wonder if I have time and energy to divert from my studies to this new goal. Although perhaps this concern is unwarranted; I will have nothing but my thoughts to save me from boredom and my mind will inevitably drift to the problems of my research.
As was said in the Bruce Lee movie, "Enter the Dragon": We forge our bodies in the furnace of our will. So my body will become a lean running machine through the repetition of many steps on many different days. Each individual run will have negligable effect, but over time, as moving water slowly carves a river, I will carve twenty six miles and enter an elite subclass (1%) of all people living on this globe.
Each day I will be forced to excercise not only my body but also my willpower. I do not enjoy running for running's sake, it is a means to an end on my quest for self-discipline. I know that I am becoming more disciplined, but my progress is not yet satisfactory. This difficult path that will unfold slowly and painfully and culminate in a few hours of running and more days of recovery, is but a physical analogy for the process of denying my primal instincts. Instead of sitting on a couch eating fried chicken day in and out (which might be a sort of wonderful heaven), I engage my willpower to take me out in the world and accomplish the tasks I have set for myself.
Four months from now, I will have finished my first (and most likely, only) marathon.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Day Twenty One: A Strange Plateau?
Today I am in a rush to write these words, as I must write them before I head out for a night of adventure. The weekend nights are always the most exciting, as you never know exactly what might happen. For any given day, a given series of events seems to unfold, and there is not much surprise. That is why we say we live for the weekends.
The weekends are our wholly own, while the week is only tenously ours. A large portion of it is granted to some employer, and the rest might be spent in winding down preparing to grant the same employer yet another eight hours.
When you are out on the town, you hope and pray for adventure. As Vonnegut wrote about in his birthday present to himself, Breakfist of Champions, we seek in our own lives the excitment and tempo of a novel, the unexpected events, the build-up of tension, and the perfect cathartic release. Of course, life is not this way at all, it is merely hollowood and idealized novels that promote this untenable sequence of thoughts.
At some level, we all believe ourselves to be central, we all have an egocentric perspective from behind our own eyes. Our own thoughts are the only ones we have access to, and this biases us towards a playful pretending that the universe really does revolve around us; a soliplistic fantasy that conflicts with everyone else's fantasy.
So, often we are disappointed by our weekends, by our lives, that do not live up to some magical fairytale standard that is imprinted upon us by childhood stories. Some of us become jaded, and after questioning what this strange life is really all about, we reach a nihlstic answer: it is all meaningless. And yet, it is all that we have, all that we will ever have, so each moment is infinitely precious. It is a strange paradox, but one we live with every day, if only subconsciously.
As I head out the door from reality to fantasy, from weekday to weekend, from messy narrative to ideal plot, I hold on romantically to the promise of the unexpected adventures that await beyond.
The weekends are our wholly own, while the week is only tenously ours. A large portion of it is granted to some employer, and the rest might be spent in winding down preparing to grant the same employer yet another eight hours.
When you are out on the town, you hope and pray for adventure. As Vonnegut wrote about in his birthday present to himself, Breakfist of Champions, we seek in our own lives the excitment and tempo of a novel, the unexpected events, the build-up of tension, and the perfect cathartic release. Of course, life is not this way at all, it is merely hollowood and idealized novels that promote this untenable sequence of thoughts.
At some level, we all believe ourselves to be central, we all have an egocentric perspective from behind our own eyes. Our own thoughts are the only ones we have access to, and this biases us towards a playful pretending that the universe really does revolve around us; a soliplistic fantasy that conflicts with everyone else's fantasy.
So, often we are disappointed by our weekends, by our lives, that do not live up to some magical fairytale standard that is imprinted upon us by childhood stories. Some of us become jaded, and after questioning what this strange life is really all about, we reach a nihlstic answer: it is all meaningless. And yet, it is all that we have, all that we will ever have, so each moment is infinitely precious. It is a strange paradox, but one we live with every day, if only subconsciously.
As I head out the door from reality to fantasy, from weekday to weekend, from messy narrative to ideal plot, I hold on romantically to the promise of the unexpected adventures that await beyond.
Day Twenty: Temptation Avoided
Writing is a draining process; I comitted yesterday night to writing all of today, and in general, I believe I was successful. After a few hours of respite out with friends, I have returned to write once again, not technical writing thankfully, but my daily contribution to this archive that no one yet reads. There is something exciting about publishing, that this material is 'out there' if someone did want to read it, even though I acknowledge that no one is likely to ever find it. But that it is there, that I have contributed some of my ideas into the evervescent network known as the internet, is for some reason comforting.
But I digress. Today was successful in that I kept my promises to myself with respect to drinking (I had two diet cokes and a delicious bubble tea), and with respect to writing (both my day of writing and this blog post). However, by expending my willpower in those areas, my diet took a plunge. It seems like action and reaction; willpower seems to be a finite resource for me, I cannot deny myself all of the material pleasures at once yet.
Someday, perhaps I will be able to, as long as I continue to strive against the current, pushing with all of my strength to control my simple primative desires and to realize my beautiful long term goals. I have to remind myself always of what I dream to accomplish, and how only the constant repetition of hard work will get me there.
There was a moment tonight where I debated having a beer; it would have been easier than explaining to my friends the strange arbitrary pact I made with myself to not drink for a few weeks. The old me would have taken this easier path, but during the month of discipline I decided to take a stand. I differentiated myself, I was the only person not drinking; where usually I like to stand in the background, become one with the crowd, I was forced to the foreground, to become a reluctant target for attention.
I felt silly asking the bartender if he had anything non-alcoholic, hoping for some kind of o'douls that might have passed a cursory inspection, and the diet coke can he handed me might well have been a bullseye; I appeared different than those around me, separated from them because of my choice to not drink. And the beers called to me in their siren song; their sweet scents and tasty flavors serenaded me seductively, drawing me into their trap. Yet I was tied to the mast of the ship by the bond of a self-promise and although I heard their melodies, the bond held.
And now, here it is, three in the morning, and the bond is holding me to continue writing down these words. Letters and words, the title of this strange diary, the translation of my ideas into reality. In the night, my mind is always drawn from the mundane day-to-day details of life to the more mysterious questions that haunt me about this strange place we live in.
Forgive my philosophical rant, I merely wish to let the words find their way from my brain to my fingers and through wires spreading outwards. The filter is off tonight and the ideas simply wish to find their way to infect other brains with their strange messages. I can't blame them; they only wish to survive, as I do. And yet, someday I will die, although perhaps an idea or two of mine may survive a bit beyond my mortal shell. They too, will slowly fade. Nothing can stay.
Ozymandius was a mighty man who made mighty statues in the sand. Now, they are all but gone; we are but fireflies in a vast vast night who twinkle a few times before they light no longer. Tomorrow is guarenteed to no one, and today quickly slips silently into a growing sea of yesterdays. One day, tomorrow will come no longer, and all that I am, will cease to be forevermore. If only I knew what it all meant, the overarching purpose behind this strange life, if there is any real magic to be seen here or whether all is ultimately the same as nothing?
If there is a god, he is a strange deity, one who seems not to care about our very mundane human affairs. If I met him, I don't know whether I would look up to him or curse him; why must all men search futilely to understand his origins and his ultimate destiny? It is beautiful and dark, this life. It is bright and bleak mixed together in a strange hue.
But I digress. Today was successful in that I kept my promises to myself with respect to drinking (I had two diet cokes and a delicious bubble tea), and with respect to writing (both my day of writing and this blog post). However, by expending my willpower in those areas, my diet took a plunge. It seems like action and reaction; willpower seems to be a finite resource for me, I cannot deny myself all of the material pleasures at once yet.
Someday, perhaps I will be able to, as long as I continue to strive against the current, pushing with all of my strength to control my simple primative desires and to realize my beautiful long term goals. I have to remind myself always of what I dream to accomplish, and how only the constant repetition of hard work will get me there.
There was a moment tonight where I debated having a beer; it would have been easier than explaining to my friends the strange arbitrary pact I made with myself to not drink for a few weeks. The old me would have taken this easier path, but during the month of discipline I decided to take a stand. I differentiated myself, I was the only person not drinking; where usually I like to stand in the background, become one with the crowd, I was forced to the foreground, to become a reluctant target for attention.
I felt silly asking the bartender if he had anything non-alcoholic, hoping for some kind of o'douls that might have passed a cursory inspection, and the diet coke can he handed me might well have been a bullseye; I appeared different than those around me, separated from them because of my choice to not drink. And the beers called to me in their siren song; their sweet scents and tasty flavors serenaded me seductively, drawing me into their trap. Yet I was tied to the mast of the ship by the bond of a self-promise and although I heard their melodies, the bond held.
And now, here it is, three in the morning, and the bond is holding me to continue writing down these words. Letters and words, the title of this strange diary, the translation of my ideas into reality. In the night, my mind is always drawn from the mundane day-to-day details of life to the more mysterious questions that haunt me about this strange place we live in.
Forgive my philosophical rant, I merely wish to let the words find their way from my brain to my fingers and through wires spreading outwards. The filter is off tonight and the ideas simply wish to find their way to infect other brains with their strange messages. I can't blame them; they only wish to survive, as I do. And yet, someday I will die, although perhaps an idea or two of mine may survive a bit beyond my mortal shell. They too, will slowly fade. Nothing can stay.
Ozymandius was a mighty man who made mighty statues in the sand. Now, they are all but gone; we are but fireflies in a vast vast night who twinkle a few times before they light no longer. Tomorrow is guarenteed to no one, and today quickly slips silently into a growing sea of yesterdays. One day, tomorrow will come no longer, and all that I am, will cease to be forevermore. If only I knew what it all meant, the overarching purpose behind this strange life, if there is any real magic to be seen here or whether all is ultimately the same as nothing?
If there is a god, he is a strange deity, one who seems not to care about our very mundane human affairs. If I met him, I don't know whether I would look up to him or curse him; why must all men search futilely to understand his origins and his ultimate destiny? It is beautiful and dark, this life. It is bright and bleak mixed together in a strange hue.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Day Nineteen: Going Through The Motions
Each of the few past days, I've willed myself through writing an entry in this blog. I've foolishly put it off until I've had little energy remaining and the temptation becomes strong to blow off writing and simply go to sleep. But I can be proud of the fact that I did not give in to the simple temptation; however, I did not write my best work either, it was uninspired, written simply to fufill a goal.
Sometimes it seems as if going through the motions is necessary. At least it further solidifies the habit of writing daily, and although good writing requires energy and passion, just the rote practice of an activity may improve one's skill. Writing is such an amazing skill, one that I do wish to master, that establishing this habit is of utmost importance.
Fake it until you make it, a tired cliche, but one that I believe applies here. I have to continue plowing through this blog, hoping that as I practice writing, my writing will improve. This is not guarenteed; without the feedback of others, I am depending on my own aesthetic taste of my own writing to be a benchmark. This could be unwise, as I could very well be very biased. So, perhaps I need to invest in getting this blog a readership so that I have someone to judge my posts. At the same time, investing such eneregy means that I have less to invest in other, perhaps more important, ventures.
For now, I will continue forcing myself to write here daily, especially during the last few weeks of this month of discipline. I currently have little hope of this blog catching on in any significant way, but at least it will stand here if anyone is interested in my personal struggle here with self discipline.
Tomorrow, I am challenging myself to write all day; not in this blog, but a paper that is my next scholastic challenge. I always seem to find excuses to put off these intense writing tasks. But tomorrow, I will be strong and focused, and will make significant progress.
One thing I must resist, is the temptation to drink tomorrow night; it will be extremely difficult, and I have actively placed myself in an extremely tempting location that has many delicious beers. I fear that I may capitulate, because the day of writing may sap all the self-restraint that I have. However, I am up to the challenge, and I believe that I may surprise myself with restraint.
The payoff is self-respect, while the cost is a humbling sense of failure. While a beer is tasty, it is not worth the heavy demoralization that failure brings, especially when this is the last weekend before I will allow myself to drink (at least temporarily, for Halloween!). Drinking is a crutch, a simple drug that dulls worry temporarily. It is a welcome relief, a delightful medicine, and yet, somewhat of an addiction.
I do not speak of physical addiction in the sense that an alcoholic depends on alcohol, but that I get a certain pleasure from drinking in moderation which I should not get accustomed to. It provides a nice vehicle for practicing self-discipline, and keeps me from making bad short-sited decisions.
Tomorrow, I will make an active effort to produce a more coherent post, today's is disappointly merely a stream-of-thought, with no real message. It is sadly a masturbatory piece that has no real value. Yet, I hope that the mere practice of constructing even a shoddy article will lead me infinitesimly closer to being the great writer that I aspire to be.
Sometimes it seems as if going through the motions is necessary. At least it further solidifies the habit of writing daily, and although good writing requires energy and passion, just the rote practice of an activity may improve one's skill. Writing is such an amazing skill, one that I do wish to master, that establishing this habit is of utmost importance.
Fake it until you make it, a tired cliche, but one that I believe applies here. I have to continue plowing through this blog, hoping that as I practice writing, my writing will improve. This is not guarenteed; without the feedback of others, I am depending on my own aesthetic taste of my own writing to be a benchmark. This could be unwise, as I could very well be very biased. So, perhaps I need to invest in getting this blog a readership so that I have someone to judge my posts. At the same time, investing such eneregy means that I have less to invest in other, perhaps more important, ventures.
For now, I will continue forcing myself to write here daily, especially during the last few weeks of this month of discipline. I currently have little hope of this blog catching on in any significant way, but at least it will stand here if anyone is interested in my personal struggle here with self discipline.
Tomorrow, I am challenging myself to write all day; not in this blog, but a paper that is my next scholastic challenge. I always seem to find excuses to put off these intense writing tasks. But tomorrow, I will be strong and focused, and will make significant progress.
One thing I must resist, is the temptation to drink tomorrow night; it will be extremely difficult, and I have actively placed myself in an extremely tempting location that has many delicious beers. I fear that I may capitulate, because the day of writing may sap all the self-restraint that I have. However, I am up to the challenge, and I believe that I may surprise myself with restraint.
The payoff is self-respect, while the cost is a humbling sense of failure. While a beer is tasty, it is not worth the heavy demoralization that failure brings, especially when this is the last weekend before I will allow myself to drink (at least temporarily, for Halloween!). Drinking is a crutch, a simple drug that dulls worry temporarily. It is a welcome relief, a delightful medicine, and yet, somewhat of an addiction.
I do not speak of physical addiction in the sense that an alcoholic depends on alcohol, but that I get a certain pleasure from drinking in moderation which I should not get accustomed to. It provides a nice vehicle for practicing self-discipline, and keeps me from making bad short-sited decisions.
Tomorrow, I will make an active effort to produce a more coherent post, today's is disappointly merely a stream-of-thought, with no real message. It is sadly a masturbatory piece that has no real value. Yet, I hope that the mere practice of constructing even a shoddy article will lead me infinitesimly closer to being the great writer that I aspire to be.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Day Eighteen: Moderation
MODERATION. Avoid extreams; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.
Today, I am reflecting on yet another of Benjamin Franklin's principles of self-improvement. The principle for today is moderation, which has a different meaning than temperance (although that at first seem similar).
Moderation in Franklin's context means to not hold a grudge nor an extereme position (e.g. extreme liberal or extreme conservative). The logic behind not holding a grudge, is that a grudge benefits no one, neither youself nor the person you begrudge. The benefit behind not holding an extreme position is that if you are in fact wrong, you will not be as wrong as you are if you held a more extreme position. That is, a centrist's potential error is only half that of the extreme left or right. This is a good rule of thumb, but like all rules of thumb, there may be exceptions.
Lets take the first part first, that of not holding a grudge. It is easy to get emotionally worked up when you feel like you have been disrespected. The reactionary feelings of animosity can ferment with time, developing (if untreated) into the terrible plague of hatred.
A grudge will lead you to treat the begrudged differently, most likely worse, than you would otherwise treat him or her. This may create a feedback loop in which they reciprocate with further disrespect which feeds the grudge. In the end, the situation has gotten out of control, and both parties are worse off.
If instead, the grudge is dropped, and you begin treating the begrudged with respect, they are more likely to reciprocate with mutual respect. In the ideal situation, although you are conceding your right to be angry over the disrespect, the situation is much better at the end.
Things do not always work out so cleanly, however. If the disrespect continues despite your honest efforts to mend whatever rift has been made, then further action may be necessary. This action must be carefully considered so as not to lead to some sort of amplifying feedback loop. The action should have the effect of cutting off interaction with that person, or at least making plain that the disrespect cannot continue.
Now let us consider the second part of moderation, which is to avoid extreme positions. In general, I think this makes perfect sense: An extreme position has the tendency to alienate and offend others, even those with mild interest. An extreme position is a liability that may draw you often into prolonged debates. Especially when arguing against another extreme, such debates are merely excercises in futility: Neither side is likely to consider the other's arguments to the point that they may actual change their opinion of the matter.
A potential hedge is to maintain internally an extreme position, but to profess publicly a more centrist position. This requires an act of dissemblence, which contradicts another of Franklin's principles, that of sincerity. However, if one must maintain a radical extreme view, perhaps it is better to sacrifice sincerity to avoid prolonged arguments and alienating others. In most situations though, it is best to have a moderate position. Why do I think this?
Because, if there is quite a variety of opinion on a matter, it is likely that you may be wrong in your opinion. This is not always the case, but at least having a moderate opinion means you are likely more open to hearing the opposing sides arguments and at least carefully considering them.
Although Ben Franklin may advocate never having extreme opinions, I think that the more important concept is that of being open-minded. I don't personally believe that having an extreme opinion is a moral flaw, but being unreasonable and not considering an opposing point of view, is a flaw. We should always be willing to revise our position based on integrating new evidence or arguments.
Part of this is related to ego; we always want to be right, and are often more sure of our rightness than we are often right. So, to acknowledge that one may be wrong is to acknowledge our own imperfection (which is innate, none of us is perfect); it is to acknowledge one's own humanity.
In conclusion, in most cases it is better to not hold grudges (as long as the offenses truly are forgivable), and to not hold extreme views (unless you are truly certain of your position, and this position is of utmost importance to you). But, even when you do hold grudges or extreme positions, the most important thing is to be open-minded to revising your position or your perhaps unmerited hatred of another.
Today, I am reflecting on yet another of Benjamin Franklin's principles of self-improvement. The principle for today is moderation, which has a different meaning than temperance (although that at first seem similar).
Moderation in Franklin's context means to not hold a grudge nor an extereme position (e.g. extreme liberal or extreme conservative). The logic behind not holding a grudge, is that a grudge benefits no one, neither youself nor the person you begrudge. The benefit behind not holding an extreme position is that if you are in fact wrong, you will not be as wrong as you are if you held a more extreme position. That is, a centrist's potential error is only half that of the extreme left or right. This is a good rule of thumb, but like all rules of thumb, there may be exceptions.
Lets take the first part first, that of not holding a grudge. It is easy to get emotionally worked up when you feel like you have been disrespected. The reactionary feelings of animosity can ferment with time, developing (if untreated) into the terrible plague of hatred.
A grudge will lead you to treat the begrudged differently, most likely worse, than you would otherwise treat him or her. This may create a feedback loop in which they reciprocate with further disrespect which feeds the grudge. In the end, the situation has gotten out of control, and both parties are worse off.
If instead, the grudge is dropped, and you begin treating the begrudged with respect, they are more likely to reciprocate with mutual respect. In the ideal situation, although you are conceding your right to be angry over the disrespect, the situation is much better at the end.
Things do not always work out so cleanly, however. If the disrespect continues despite your honest efforts to mend whatever rift has been made, then further action may be necessary. This action must be carefully considered so as not to lead to some sort of amplifying feedback loop. The action should have the effect of cutting off interaction with that person, or at least making plain that the disrespect cannot continue.
Now let us consider the second part of moderation, which is to avoid extreme positions. In general, I think this makes perfect sense: An extreme position has the tendency to alienate and offend others, even those with mild interest. An extreme position is a liability that may draw you often into prolonged debates. Especially when arguing against another extreme, such debates are merely excercises in futility: Neither side is likely to consider the other's arguments to the point that they may actual change their opinion of the matter.
A potential hedge is to maintain internally an extreme position, but to profess publicly a more centrist position. This requires an act of dissemblence, which contradicts another of Franklin's principles, that of sincerity. However, if one must maintain a radical extreme view, perhaps it is better to sacrifice sincerity to avoid prolonged arguments and alienating others. In most situations though, it is best to have a moderate position. Why do I think this?
Because, if there is quite a variety of opinion on a matter, it is likely that you may be wrong in your opinion. This is not always the case, but at least having a moderate opinion means you are likely more open to hearing the opposing sides arguments and at least carefully considering them.
Although Ben Franklin may advocate never having extreme opinions, I think that the more important concept is that of being open-minded. I don't personally believe that having an extreme opinion is a moral flaw, but being unreasonable and not considering an opposing point of view, is a flaw. We should always be willing to revise our position based on integrating new evidence or arguments.
Part of this is related to ego; we always want to be right, and are often more sure of our rightness than we are often right. So, to acknowledge that one may be wrong is to acknowledge our own imperfection (which is innate, none of us is perfect); it is to acknowledge one's own humanity.
In conclusion, in most cases it is better to not hold grudges (as long as the offenses truly are forgivable), and to not hold extreme views (unless you are truly certain of your position, and this position is of utmost importance to you). But, even when you do hold grudges or extreme positions, the most important thing is to be open-minded to revising your position or your perhaps unmerited hatred of another.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Day Seventeen: Justice
JUSTICE. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.
Today, I'll reflect on another of Ben Franklin's 13 self-improvement principles, justice. This principle relates more to morality than to self-discipline, but there is some overlap, and regardless of whether it relates to self-discipline or not, it is simply a good moral rule to live by, one that can make me a better person.
Sometimes, it is easier to comprimise one's morals by allowing an injustice to stand rather than to stand up for what is right. From the great film, The Boondock Saints: "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men."
I must therefore endeavour to not be indifferent to situations that are clearly wrong, even if it means a difficulty that would otherwise be avoided. And further, I must be mindful of my actions, that I am not actively causing injury.
The one aspect of my life in which I inflict the most harm I believe are in my relationships with women. And while in the past I've maintained my innocence, I'll be mature now and admit that the injury is my fault and I should not be so callous in my actions, especially when they relate to such a fragile organ as a woman's heart.
My pattern with women has become clear through its repetition. After some time alone, I want a woman's company; the problem is that it is rare that I meet a girl that I am truly interested in. I find myself trying to make a square peg fit a round hole, trying to force myself to fall for someone I will never feel for deeply.
For awhile, my charade may hold up, but inevitably it tends to fall apart. I can no longer pretend to care, and as my care is waning, hers is growing. At some point, she knows she is in too deep, and will attempt to reach out to me. I can offer no solace, and the injury is complete.
The solution is simple; I must be careful with others' hearts. I cannot be so callous to satiate my own selfish lonliness at the cost of her happiness. It feels good to be liked, but eventually that vibrant like flirts with love and then to revulsion as the facade of my emotions crumble.
I must act with justice in my interactions with women, it is right and something that I must do. The tie-in with self-discipline is manifest: In the short term, it is pleasurable, but long-term it brings pain. I must sacrifice the short-term for the long-term, as difficult as it seems to be.
Today, I'll reflect on another of Ben Franklin's 13 self-improvement principles, justice. This principle relates more to morality than to self-discipline, but there is some overlap, and regardless of whether it relates to self-discipline or not, it is simply a good moral rule to live by, one that can make me a better person.
Sometimes, it is easier to comprimise one's morals by allowing an injustice to stand rather than to stand up for what is right. From the great film, The Boondock Saints: "We must always fear the wicked. But there is another kind of evil that we must fear the most, and that is the indifference of good men."
I must therefore endeavour to not be indifferent to situations that are clearly wrong, even if it means a difficulty that would otherwise be avoided. And further, I must be mindful of my actions, that I am not actively causing injury.
The one aspect of my life in which I inflict the most harm I believe are in my relationships with women. And while in the past I've maintained my innocence, I'll be mature now and admit that the injury is my fault and I should not be so callous in my actions, especially when they relate to such a fragile organ as a woman's heart.
My pattern with women has become clear through its repetition. After some time alone, I want a woman's company; the problem is that it is rare that I meet a girl that I am truly interested in. I find myself trying to make a square peg fit a round hole, trying to force myself to fall for someone I will never feel for deeply.
For awhile, my charade may hold up, but inevitably it tends to fall apart. I can no longer pretend to care, and as my care is waning, hers is growing. At some point, she knows she is in too deep, and will attempt to reach out to me. I can offer no solace, and the injury is complete.
The solution is simple; I must be careful with others' hearts. I cannot be so callous to satiate my own selfish lonliness at the cost of her happiness. It feels good to be liked, but eventually that vibrant like flirts with love and then to revulsion as the facade of my emotions crumble.
I must act with justice in my interactions with women, it is right and something that I must do. The tie-in with self-discipline is manifest: In the short term, it is pleasurable, but long-term it brings pain. I must sacrifice the short-term for the long-term, as difficult as it seems to be.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Day Sixteen: Nose to the Grindstone
The pile of work is large, and time, as always is short. It is abundandtly clear what is necessary: Hard, continuous labor. But there is a distraction in that the pile is so varied and large that it is overwhelming to pick only aspect to work on.
This was the situation that I found myself in this morning. I decided to medicate myself with caffeine, and to dedicate myself to the grind. While I was moderately successful, and did meet some of my goals, I was not entirely focused.
I was distracted, as I always am, but my various news sites. Thus, tomorrow I will not visit them once. I was also distracted by the fact that there are many aspects of work that I need to complete. And while I was working on one, my mind was also drawn astray by others. Thus, I must plan for the day which aspects of my work I will focus on, and to what degree. Then, I will not be distracted by thinking of other aspects because I will know that they will be handled another day.
This plan of eliminating distractions seems like a good way to leverage my willpower. If I have no TV, I cannot fall prey to its call. If I commit to a plan for the day, it should remove thoughts of alternate tasks from my mind. If I block the news sites that distract me (the next step), then the time I would waste on them will be reallocated (hopefully to more productive pursuits).
So, I must continue making reachable concrete goals for each day, and alloting time to reach them. I must begin to mechanically eliminate distractions so that I will have no choice but to do work. At the same time, I am establishing a routine of un-fun chores such as working out, writing a blog entry, flossing, and tidying up my room that provide daily tests to my willpower such that it may slowly increase in power over time.
The power of compound interest has been a driving factor in my life ever since I mastered the guitar, and then tennis. What I mean by compound interest is really a long-term mindset. Most people don't save enough for their retirement because it is more fun to spend now rather than leverage compound interest by saving (in effect stretching their money exponentially further).
When I first starting playing guitar, it was difficult and progress was pitifully slow. The only thing that kept me playing was my unsatiated sex drive (I wanted to impress girls). The accumulation of effort over time to learn new skills is amazing. An hour each day, although tiring, eventually brought me to be a very good guitarist. It was a good investment, because it is a skill that will be with me for my entire life, and I likely will only get better.
It was a similar story for tennis. I wanted to be on the varsity team, and so I would play a match every day (working much harder than other players). Eventually I reached my goal, and will be a good tennis player for life. More importantly, tennis helped solidify my long-term goal attitude, and the value of making small incremental time investments in order to reach the long-term goal. Playing tennis each day or guitar each day, while each match or playing session was inconsequential, the accumulation of effort over time was important.
So while tennis and guitar were good investments of time for their own sake, investing in self-discipline will be the best investment I will ever make. If I can develop this skill by daily efforts, it can improve every aspect of my life, for the rest of my life. This can be illustrated by a simple mind experiment: Imagine I do follow through with getting rid of my TV (and never get another one for the rest of my life). If I were sitting on my deathbed, would I regret not watching more TV? No, I would regret the other things I had wasted time on and the opportunities I did not have the courage to take.
I have to keep this long-term mindset, and make painful sacrifices now in order to make the most of this fleeting life.
This was the situation that I found myself in this morning. I decided to medicate myself with caffeine, and to dedicate myself to the grind. While I was moderately successful, and did meet some of my goals, I was not entirely focused.
I was distracted, as I always am, but my various news sites. Thus, tomorrow I will not visit them once. I was also distracted by the fact that there are many aspects of work that I need to complete. And while I was working on one, my mind was also drawn astray by others. Thus, I must plan for the day which aspects of my work I will focus on, and to what degree. Then, I will not be distracted by thinking of other aspects because I will know that they will be handled another day.
This plan of eliminating distractions seems like a good way to leverage my willpower. If I have no TV, I cannot fall prey to its call. If I commit to a plan for the day, it should remove thoughts of alternate tasks from my mind. If I block the news sites that distract me (the next step), then the time I would waste on them will be reallocated (hopefully to more productive pursuits).
So, I must continue making reachable concrete goals for each day, and alloting time to reach them. I must begin to mechanically eliminate distractions so that I will have no choice but to do work. At the same time, I am establishing a routine of un-fun chores such as working out, writing a blog entry, flossing, and tidying up my room that provide daily tests to my willpower such that it may slowly increase in power over time.
The power of compound interest has been a driving factor in my life ever since I mastered the guitar, and then tennis. What I mean by compound interest is really a long-term mindset. Most people don't save enough for their retirement because it is more fun to spend now rather than leverage compound interest by saving (in effect stretching their money exponentially further).
When I first starting playing guitar, it was difficult and progress was pitifully slow. The only thing that kept me playing was my unsatiated sex drive (I wanted to impress girls). The accumulation of effort over time to learn new skills is amazing. An hour each day, although tiring, eventually brought me to be a very good guitarist. It was a good investment, because it is a skill that will be with me for my entire life, and I likely will only get better.
It was a similar story for tennis. I wanted to be on the varsity team, and so I would play a match every day (working much harder than other players). Eventually I reached my goal, and will be a good tennis player for life. More importantly, tennis helped solidify my long-term goal attitude, and the value of making small incremental time investments in order to reach the long-term goal. Playing tennis each day or guitar each day, while each match or playing session was inconsequential, the accumulation of effort over time was important.
So while tennis and guitar were good investments of time for their own sake, investing in self-discipline will be the best investment I will ever make. If I can develop this skill by daily efforts, it can improve every aspect of my life, for the rest of my life. This can be illustrated by a simple mind experiment: Imagine I do follow through with getting rid of my TV (and never get another one for the rest of my life). If I were sitting on my deathbed, would I regret not watching more TV? No, I would regret the other things I had wasted time on and the opportunities I did not have the courage to take.
I have to keep this long-term mindset, and make painful sacrifices now in order to make the most of this fleeting life.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Day Fifteen: Engineering Success
The temptations are ever-present: The TV beckons with its mindless entertainment, reddit and digg call with their endless stream of semi-interesting websites, and the food cupboard sings like a siren, demanding I sample its tasty treats.
Thus, each day is a battle with myself; my primitive brain demands satiation at the expense of my high-level brain's long term plans. One route to success is black-belt self-discipline kung-fu that decimates the primitive brain's pull by sheer force of will. Such self-discipline is beyond me currently, all though I am a willing apprentice and practice as much as I can.
An alternative route towards productivity and defeating temptation is for the long term planning brain to out-wit the primitive brain by removing temptations or at least creating less-destructive temptations.
An example of removing temptations is to get rid of all junk food from the house. Such removal stymies the primitive brain's desire for unhealthy snacks because satiating the desire then requires more than a simple trip to the kitchen.
An example of creating less-destructive temptations is to watch an educational program on TV instead of a mindless comedy. This is less destructive with respect to productivity because at least you are learning something. It is certainly better than nothing, but not as good as doing something fully productive.
This alternative route of removing and replacing temptations could be described as 'engineering success', because it utilizes the planning capabilities of our minds to circumvent the pull of our primitive brain's desires. It engineers a path through everyday life that meets our goals but does not require prodigious self-control. In contrast, the black-belt self-discipline kung-fu (willing ourselves to ignore every temptation) is more of a 'brute-force' route towards success (and is incredibly difficult).
So, given my current state, how can I engineer success with respect to being productive, and not overeating or overdrinking?
The first step I've taken is to get rid of my cable box and its demonic movies on demand feature! This devilish device provides horus upon hours of mindless entertainment at my fingertips. The next, more radical step in this sequence is to get rid of my TV. I know that watching TV is rarely helpful, but it is a nice way to wind down from a hard day. Yet, sometimes I find myself indulging the bad habit too often. Thus, its must go!
The next step is to avoid buying certain foods that lead me to overindulgence. I currently buy a lot of nuts (almonds, peanuts, soy nuts, etc.) because they are healthy in small doses and are damned tasty. However, I find myself snacking on them far too often. My self-discipline kung-fu is not yet developed enough that I can have these delicious morsels in the kitchen. They too, must go!
The last step, is to set goals for each day, and longer-term goals for each month. Everyone likes to succeed, and not to fail. So, I will have motivation then to reach these goals. If I fail, I will get angry at myself, which will provide drive to meet the next goal.
Although in an ideal world, I would have bruce-lee self-control, in this world I sadly do not possess it yet. So, instead of constantly fighting the current, I will instead engineer the river to flow smoothly downhill towards success.
Thus, each day is a battle with myself; my primitive brain demands satiation at the expense of my high-level brain's long term plans. One route to success is black-belt self-discipline kung-fu that decimates the primitive brain's pull by sheer force of will. Such self-discipline is beyond me currently, all though I am a willing apprentice and practice as much as I can.
An alternative route towards productivity and defeating temptation is for the long term planning brain to out-wit the primitive brain by removing temptations or at least creating less-destructive temptations.
An example of removing temptations is to get rid of all junk food from the house. Such removal stymies the primitive brain's desire for unhealthy snacks because satiating the desire then requires more than a simple trip to the kitchen.
An example of creating less-destructive temptations is to watch an educational program on TV instead of a mindless comedy. This is less destructive with respect to productivity because at least you are learning something. It is certainly better than nothing, but not as good as doing something fully productive.
This alternative route of removing and replacing temptations could be described as 'engineering success', because it utilizes the planning capabilities of our minds to circumvent the pull of our primitive brain's desires. It engineers a path through everyday life that meets our goals but does not require prodigious self-control. In contrast, the black-belt self-discipline kung-fu (willing ourselves to ignore every temptation) is more of a 'brute-force' route towards success (and is incredibly difficult).
So, given my current state, how can I engineer success with respect to being productive, and not overeating or overdrinking?
The first step I've taken is to get rid of my cable box and its demonic movies on demand feature! This devilish device provides horus upon hours of mindless entertainment at my fingertips. The next, more radical step in this sequence is to get rid of my TV. I know that watching TV is rarely helpful, but it is a nice way to wind down from a hard day. Yet, sometimes I find myself indulging the bad habit too often. Thus, its must go!
The next step is to avoid buying certain foods that lead me to overindulgence. I currently buy a lot of nuts (almonds, peanuts, soy nuts, etc.) because they are healthy in small doses and are damned tasty. However, I find myself snacking on them far too often. My self-discipline kung-fu is not yet developed enough that I can have these delicious morsels in the kitchen. They too, must go!
The last step, is to set goals for each day, and longer-term goals for each month. Everyone likes to succeed, and not to fail. So, I will have motivation then to reach these goals. If I fail, I will get angry at myself, which will provide drive to meet the next goal.
Although in an ideal world, I would have bruce-lee self-control, in this world I sadly do not possess it yet. So, instead of constantly fighting the current, I will instead engineer the river to flow smoothly downhill towards success.
Day Fourteen: The Weekend
The weekend has passed, and I've held off on drinking, which is a feat for me; I can't honestly recall the last weekend that I didn't at least have a beer or two. I don't often drink to get drunk, but I'll usually have at least two drinks over the course of a weekend night. My friends usually drink as well; but what is the point? Do I really need these chemicals in order to have a good time?
Well, of course I know that the answer is no, but it is a habit, and drinking does bring on a delightful hazy state. It puts the mind to rest, lowers our inhibitions, and allows us to relax. Beyond that, I've developed a taste for beer. The first time I ever had a beer, I thought it was completely vile. Now, I actually crave the flavor of a good beer.
I've gotten a little bit of ribbing from my friends these past days because I'm getting diet cokes instead of rum and cokes, but it really hasn't been much of an issue. And while I've been tempted to have a drink, the pressure hasn't been overwhelming to the point where I considered throwing in the towel.
Basically, drinking is a crutch. It allows me to do things that I wouldn't have the courage to do otherwise. For example, dancing. Dancing is fun, and I don't mind it; but I'm unlikely to dance unless I've had quite a bit to drink, because I am worried about 'looking cool.' I'm quite aware that I am not a super-awesome dancer, but when I am out with friends, honestly, who cares?
The fact of the matter is though, that I care too much what random strangers think, and what my friends think. I don't take enough chances and risks. I don't live enough. Getting rid of drinking really allows me to focus on these shortcomings, and hopefully will lead me further on my path of self-improvement.
Well, of course I know that the answer is no, but it is a habit, and drinking does bring on a delightful hazy state. It puts the mind to rest, lowers our inhibitions, and allows us to relax. Beyond that, I've developed a taste for beer. The first time I ever had a beer, I thought it was completely vile. Now, I actually crave the flavor of a good beer.
I've gotten a little bit of ribbing from my friends these past days because I'm getting diet cokes instead of rum and cokes, but it really hasn't been much of an issue. And while I've been tempted to have a drink, the pressure hasn't been overwhelming to the point where I considered throwing in the towel.
Basically, drinking is a crutch. It allows me to do things that I wouldn't have the courage to do otherwise. For example, dancing. Dancing is fun, and I don't mind it; but I'm unlikely to dance unless I've had quite a bit to drink, because I am worried about 'looking cool.' I'm quite aware that I am not a super-awesome dancer, but when I am out with friends, honestly, who cares?
The fact of the matter is though, that I care too much what random strangers think, and what my friends think. I don't take enough chances and risks. I don't live enough. Getting rid of drinking really allows me to focus on these shortcomings, and hopefully will lead me further on my path of self-improvement.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Day Thirteen Cont'd: Countdown
The last leg of a 5k race is the most taxing, the last five minutes, when playing soccer, push you to your limit, and the last 54 minutes of even a meager 24-hour fast seem to be the hardest.
When something we want (whether it is to stop running, to stop playing, or to start eating), is just around the corner, our desires seem to amp up, and the temptation to cheat is magnified. "What if I took it easy for the last 400 meters" "What are the odds that if I don't run back to help on defense we'll lose the game?" "Well, what is one hour in the scope of twenty-four?"
And yet, in terms of resolve, this last stretch is still important. When you embark on a task, whether it be a race, a game, or a fast, you are making a contract with yourself. In the case of this fast, the contract is that between 2PM and 2PM, I will not eat any food. If I cheat, even if the task is nearly complete, I have broken that contract, and in a purely binary sense, I have failed.
Of course, there are various degrees of failure, and if I fail only an hour away from the goal, then this is but a mild failure. Yet, it is a failure in the sense that I broke the contract that I had made. In the future, I am less likely to believe that I do have the resolve to meet my goals, and more likely to repeat the tempting sin of cheating.
And as I write this post, I am counting down the minutes, for this fast has become the centerpoint of this day. I went on a run earlier, which may have been a bad idea, because after I was finished, my hunger rose within me, clammoring to be satiated. Each minute that passes brings me closer to the goal, and yet also reminds me that the goal is that much closer, intensifying the anticipation of a glorious meal (a large omelette).
It's as if time slows down while we endure physical pain, and flys by when engaging in some mind-numbing activity (a simple comedic movie). This reminds me of a quote in Catch-22, where one of the characters (Yossarian's friend, I believe), makes himself miserable at all times in order to lengthen his subjective perception of his life.
While it seems silly, I believe I am actively doing the same thing; I am slightly miserable in the physical sense presently not to make my life feel longer, but to be able to eventually accomplish my loftiest goals.
"Anything worthwhile is never easy" is a common cliche, but there is truth behind those words: In order to meet ambitious goals, we must endure short-term pain. Just like Yossarian's friend, I find myself directly engaging unpleasentry in the short-term. I am far from a masochist, but I am beginning to realize that the essence of what makes us human is our ability to buck our genetic programming.
Let me step back for a moment and describe the problem with the world today: Morality in people has not progressed as quickly as our technology. People still do horrendous things such as murder, and murder on enormous scale: Genocide. Its hard to say that people in general, are any more moral than they were one hundred years ago. We still lie, cheat, steal, kill, covet, and rob.
In contrast, technology has progressed incredibly over the last one hundred years: We have amazing computers, robots, more efficient modes of transportation, and we can harness the amazing power of the atom.
In many ways, technology has made our lives better: We live better than kings of ancient did, food is plentiful in some countries, and inventions have allowed our lives to become easier (think cell phones, vacuum cleaners, dish washers etc.).
However, because technology has progressed, while morality has but stagnated, technology often allows for more efficient immorality. On the less insidious scale there are 419 scammers, who exploit the law of averages (only one in one million people need be suckers) in order to take money from unsuspecting elderly. On the more insidious scale, Hitler used technology to nearly exterminate an entire race. On perhaps the most insidious scale, the technology exists for us to destroy all of humanity through nuclear weapons; these weapons lie in the hands of world leaders, who as a whole, are no more moral than world leaders one hundred years ago.
Technological progress, in general, is good; however, it seems as if we are not yet ready for technological progress morally speaking. Atomic bombs should not exist, because ideally, when we discovered the power of the atom we should have been of moral fiber enough to never produce such terrible devestating weapons.
So, the question is, what can be done to reinvigorate moral progress? This is surely a difficult question, but one of paramount importance. Without it, life on Earth will continue to be terrible for many, and at some point, our technology may destroy us. With it, life could be a paradise.
Imagine if all of us had the moral fortitude of Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, or Ghandi. The world would be a completely different place than it is now. For these people, self-lessness and self-discipline were virtues; riches and power held no pull. We need to transform our perception so that we all strive to moral perfection, not to keep up with the Jonses, not to accumulate wealth and power at the expense of others.
Of course, this is easier said than done. This task may in fact be impossible. Our current culture obsesses over celebrities, many of whom are completely immoral and have not earned their wealth in any meaningful way. By idolizing the celebrity lifestyle, children orient their moral compasses in terrible ways. In order to be important, money and respect must be acquired, by whatever means necessary.
What if instead of celebrities, we idolized those people of true moral worth, the Mother Theresas, the Martin Luther Kings, the Ghandis? What if instead of money and power, we idolized selflessness and self-control? Maybe not this generation, but over time, culture would change.
Human beings are the only animals that can overcome their genetic programming: Though men wish to procreate wildly, we have the ability to choose not to, though men may have an innate drive to behave selfishly and to prize their happiness over the happiness of all other men, they may choose to act in a way that will benefit others. It is this ability to choose that makes us human, that separates us from other animals.
My philosophy is still evolving, but yet I think that the only way we can progress morally is if from an early age, children are taught to prize self-discipline, to idolize not basketball player, but those people who have sacrificed their own wealth and time to accomplish beautiful goals that benefit many.
Sadly, I am at a stopping point in my writing, but the clock reads but 1:40. The minutes crawl in defiance of my stomach. As I strive to become more human by rebelling against my primitive instincts, I dream of a more perfect world in which self-discipline was the only religion.
When something we want (whether it is to stop running, to stop playing, or to start eating), is just around the corner, our desires seem to amp up, and the temptation to cheat is magnified. "What if I took it easy for the last 400 meters" "What are the odds that if I don't run back to help on defense we'll lose the game?" "Well, what is one hour in the scope of twenty-four?"
And yet, in terms of resolve, this last stretch is still important. When you embark on a task, whether it be a race, a game, or a fast, you are making a contract with yourself. In the case of this fast, the contract is that between 2PM and 2PM, I will not eat any food. If I cheat, even if the task is nearly complete, I have broken that contract, and in a purely binary sense, I have failed.
Of course, there are various degrees of failure, and if I fail only an hour away from the goal, then this is but a mild failure. Yet, it is a failure in the sense that I broke the contract that I had made. In the future, I am less likely to believe that I do have the resolve to meet my goals, and more likely to repeat the tempting sin of cheating.
And as I write this post, I am counting down the minutes, for this fast has become the centerpoint of this day. I went on a run earlier, which may have been a bad idea, because after I was finished, my hunger rose within me, clammoring to be satiated. Each minute that passes brings me closer to the goal, and yet also reminds me that the goal is that much closer, intensifying the anticipation of a glorious meal (a large omelette).
It's as if time slows down while we endure physical pain, and flys by when engaging in some mind-numbing activity (a simple comedic movie). This reminds me of a quote in Catch-22, where one of the characters (Yossarian's friend, I believe), makes himself miserable at all times in order to lengthen his subjective perception of his life.
While it seems silly, I believe I am actively doing the same thing; I am slightly miserable in the physical sense presently not to make my life feel longer, but to be able to eventually accomplish my loftiest goals.
"Anything worthwhile is never easy" is a common cliche, but there is truth behind those words: In order to meet ambitious goals, we must endure short-term pain. Just like Yossarian's friend, I find myself directly engaging unpleasentry in the short-term. I am far from a masochist, but I am beginning to realize that the essence of what makes us human is our ability to buck our genetic programming.
Let me step back for a moment and describe the problem with the world today: Morality in people has not progressed as quickly as our technology. People still do horrendous things such as murder, and murder on enormous scale: Genocide. Its hard to say that people in general, are any more moral than they were one hundred years ago. We still lie, cheat, steal, kill, covet, and rob.
In contrast, technology has progressed incredibly over the last one hundred years: We have amazing computers, robots, more efficient modes of transportation, and we can harness the amazing power of the atom.
In many ways, technology has made our lives better: We live better than kings of ancient did, food is plentiful in some countries, and inventions have allowed our lives to become easier (think cell phones, vacuum cleaners, dish washers etc.).
However, because technology has progressed, while morality has but stagnated, technology often allows for more efficient immorality. On the less insidious scale there are 419 scammers, who exploit the law of averages (only one in one million people need be suckers) in order to take money from unsuspecting elderly. On the more insidious scale, Hitler used technology to nearly exterminate an entire race. On perhaps the most insidious scale, the technology exists for us to destroy all of humanity through nuclear weapons; these weapons lie in the hands of world leaders, who as a whole, are no more moral than world leaders one hundred years ago.
Technological progress, in general, is good; however, it seems as if we are not yet ready for technological progress morally speaking. Atomic bombs should not exist, because ideally, when we discovered the power of the atom we should have been of moral fiber enough to never produce such terrible devestating weapons.
So, the question is, what can be done to reinvigorate moral progress? This is surely a difficult question, but one of paramount importance. Without it, life on Earth will continue to be terrible for many, and at some point, our technology may destroy us. With it, life could be a paradise.
Imagine if all of us had the moral fortitude of Mother Theresa, Martin Luther King, or Ghandi. The world would be a completely different place than it is now. For these people, self-lessness and self-discipline were virtues; riches and power held no pull. We need to transform our perception so that we all strive to moral perfection, not to keep up with the Jonses, not to accumulate wealth and power at the expense of others.
Of course, this is easier said than done. This task may in fact be impossible. Our current culture obsesses over celebrities, many of whom are completely immoral and have not earned their wealth in any meaningful way. By idolizing the celebrity lifestyle, children orient their moral compasses in terrible ways. In order to be important, money and respect must be acquired, by whatever means necessary.
What if instead of celebrities, we idolized those people of true moral worth, the Mother Theresas, the Martin Luther Kings, the Ghandis? What if instead of money and power, we idolized selflessness and self-control? Maybe not this generation, but over time, culture would change.
Human beings are the only animals that can overcome their genetic programming: Though men wish to procreate wildly, we have the ability to choose not to, though men may have an innate drive to behave selfishly and to prize their happiness over the happiness of all other men, they may choose to act in a way that will benefit others. It is this ability to choose that makes us human, that separates us from other animals.
My philosophy is still evolving, but yet I think that the only way we can progress morally is if from an early age, children are taught to prize self-discipline, to idolize not basketball player, but those people who have sacrificed their own wealth and time to accomplish beautiful goals that benefit many.
Sadly, I am at a stopping point in my writing, but the clock reads but 1:40. The minutes crawl in defiance of my stomach. As I strive to become more human by rebelling against my primitive instincts, I dream of a more perfect world in which self-discipline was the only religion.
Day Thirteen: Fasting continued
Fasting isn't fun; but its not as terrible as I imagined either (at least for a single day). I'm 19 hours in, with only 5 left to go. Its interesting that my stomach isn't complaining, and I don't feel weak. The conclusion is that my desires for food can be ignored with enough willpower. I certainly wouldn't want to fast for very long, nor would it be healthy. But a single day fast feels like progress; progress feels good, because during the first half of this month of discipline, I'm not sure what real progress I've made.
Certainly I am more aware of what I need to do: I need to stop wasting time, I need to focus on my long term goals, I need to actually do what I tell myself I will. But at the same time, I know that I am still wasting a lot of time avoiding what I should really be doing.
For example, last night I read a Vonnegut novel for hours. While it is a good read and something I view as productive, I should have also read some research-related material, which is more concretely productive. I didn't, however, because it wasn't as fun. I think this happened because much of my willpower was already engaged in fasting, utilized to keep myself from giving in to the temptation to eat. Willpower seems like a finite resource, although it can be built up through practice.
I recently read a very informative post by Steve Pavlina (whose superlative writing gives me motivation to keep practicing the art of words), in which he describes judicious use of willpower.
Human beings are the only creatures gifted with significant foresight; we can think strategically about situations to our benefit. Steve suggests that strategically applying our limited willpower can set one up for success.
He gives the example of a diet. What happens typically ina diet is that a person will commit to eating healthily, but after a few weeks will give into tempatation and resume old, bad eating habits. What happened was that their willpower was required every day to avoid the junk food that remained in their house and to actively cook healthy meals. The constant use of willpower became tiring, and the diet eventually lay in ruins.
Instead, Steve advocates intelligent use of willpower; in the first day of the diet, he suggests throwing away all temptation food and cooking a week's worth of food. Then, it is relatively easy to follow the diet for the week; you simply pop food in the microwave and go; it doesn't require as much willpower to not cheat because cheating would require you to actively leave the house and find junk food.
So perhaps I've been going about this self-discipline thing a bit wrong; I've been leaving all the temptations as constant tests to my discipline. Is it surprising that sometimes I fail because I am not a self-discipline master yet.
To remedy this, I've been working on getting rid of temptations, and setting up less evil temptations in their place.
I've gotten rid of my cable box, although the TV still remains (perhaps I will get rid of this too, though). I'm setting up a list of acceptable semi-productive work escapes (such as project euler, TED, reading research-related books, or even decent fictional literature). I yet need to rid my house of junk food, although there is little remaining. Over the next few days, I'm going to focus on this blog on analyzing ways in which we can set ourselves up for success by intelligently using willpower instead of having to rely on an infinite store of willpower to accomplish our goals.
Certainly I am more aware of what I need to do: I need to stop wasting time, I need to focus on my long term goals, I need to actually do what I tell myself I will. But at the same time, I know that I am still wasting a lot of time avoiding what I should really be doing.
For example, last night I read a Vonnegut novel for hours. While it is a good read and something I view as productive, I should have also read some research-related material, which is more concretely productive. I didn't, however, because it wasn't as fun. I think this happened because much of my willpower was already engaged in fasting, utilized to keep myself from giving in to the temptation to eat. Willpower seems like a finite resource, although it can be built up through practice.
I recently read a very informative post by Steve Pavlina (whose superlative writing gives me motivation to keep practicing the art of words), in which he describes judicious use of willpower.
Human beings are the only creatures gifted with significant foresight; we can think strategically about situations to our benefit. Steve suggests that strategically applying our limited willpower can set one up for success.
He gives the example of a diet. What happens typically ina diet is that a person will commit to eating healthily, but after a few weeks will give into tempatation and resume old, bad eating habits. What happened was that their willpower was required every day to avoid the junk food that remained in their house and to actively cook healthy meals. The constant use of willpower became tiring, and the diet eventually lay in ruins.
Instead, Steve advocates intelligent use of willpower; in the first day of the diet, he suggests throwing away all temptation food and cooking a week's worth of food. Then, it is relatively easy to follow the diet for the week; you simply pop food in the microwave and go; it doesn't require as much willpower to not cheat because cheating would require you to actively leave the house and find junk food.
So perhaps I've been going about this self-discipline thing a bit wrong; I've been leaving all the temptations as constant tests to my discipline. Is it surprising that sometimes I fail because I am not a self-discipline master yet.
To remedy this, I've been working on getting rid of temptations, and setting up less evil temptations in their place.
I've gotten rid of my cable box, although the TV still remains (perhaps I will get rid of this too, though). I'm setting up a list of acceptable semi-productive work escapes (such as project euler, TED, reading research-related books, or even decent fictional literature). I yet need to rid my house of junk food, although there is little remaining. Over the next few days, I'm going to focus on this blog on analyzing ways in which we can set ourselves up for success by intelligently using willpower instead of having to rely on an infinite store of willpower to accomplish our goals.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Day Twelve: Fasting
As I slurp the remains of my post-workout smoothie, a delicious mixture of peanut butter, chocolate, and protein, I realize how much of a slave I am to my taste buds, to my sex drive, to my drive to be lazy and play games and read extraneous news sites all day. But, at least I am aware of my enslavement. And who is my master? My genes.
When food was scarce, it was logical that one's genes would impose a fierce drive to consume calories at any cost; thus, we seek fatty foods and eschew broccoli, which is hardly a fuel to our bodies at all. Our genes seek to reproduce themselves, and so they creating a lusty drive in us to procreate; without procreation, our genes' lineage would end. As for our drive to be lazy, I do not know the exact cause, but it may be to conserve energy and only expend it when absolutely necessary: Once again a result of the ancient luxury of calories.
Now, in modernized countries, food is no longer scarce; it would behoove us to eat healthily. And yet, natural selection lags far behind, acting on timescales of millions of years, not within the fleeting timescale of our lifetimes or the rapid rise of human civilization. And so, we are a nation of obesity, driven by our desire for unhealthy foods.
Also, the world is overpopulated, and people in less fortunate countries live in terrible conditions, some die of thirst or disease, others of hunger (in contrast the food-plenitude in first-world countries). And yet, our desire to procreate is still fiendishly strong; every woman has a biological clock, loudly chastising her for not having babies to take care of, every man wishes to create a son or daughter in his own image.
Our genes seem to plot our own demise! And yet, our genes do not have absolute control. We make conscious decisions each and every day; whether to overeat, whether to indulge in ultimately unrewarding sexual practices, whether to be lazy or industrious. Though it might seem like our desires rule us, we ultimately can decide to take lead of our own lives by staging a coup against our genes, which are ill-equipped to rule in this modern age.
It is 2PM now, and until 2PM tomorrow, no solid foods will enter my mouth. I've never fasted before, and it will be somewhat difficult, but I assume not overwhelming. This small physical act (which perhaps should be a monthly ritual) will help regain my focus during the remainder of this month of discipline.
When food was scarce, it was logical that one's genes would impose a fierce drive to consume calories at any cost; thus, we seek fatty foods and eschew broccoli, which is hardly a fuel to our bodies at all. Our genes seek to reproduce themselves, and so they creating a lusty drive in us to procreate; without procreation, our genes' lineage would end. As for our drive to be lazy, I do not know the exact cause, but it may be to conserve energy and only expend it when absolutely necessary: Once again a result of the ancient luxury of calories.
Now, in modernized countries, food is no longer scarce; it would behoove us to eat healthily. And yet, natural selection lags far behind, acting on timescales of millions of years, not within the fleeting timescale of our lifetimes or the rapid rise of human civilization. And so, we are a nation of obesity, driven by our desire for unhealthy foods.
Also, the world is overpopulated, and people in less fortunate countries live in terrible conditions, some die of thirst or disease, others of hunger (in contrast the food-plenitude in first-world countries). And yet, our desire to procreate is still fiendishly strong; every woman has a biological clock, loudly chastising her for not having babies to take care of, every man wishes to create a son or daughter in his own image.
Our genes seem to plot our own demise! And yet, our genes do not have absolute control. We make conscious decisions each and every day; whether to overeat, whether to indulge in ultimately unrewarding sexual practices, whether to be lazy or industrious. Though it might seem like our desires rule us, we ultimately can decide to take lead of our own lives by staging a coup against our genes, which are ill-equipped to rule in this modern age.
It is 2PM now, and until 2PM tomorrow, no solid foods will enter my mouth. I've never fasted before, and it will be somewhat difficult, but I assume not overwhelming. This small physical act (which perhaps should be a monthly ritual) will help regain my focus during the remainder of this month of discipline.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Addendum: Radical Changes To Plan
I've decided that my progress has been unsatisfactory this month; I have not challenged myself enough, and so I have devised a much more challenging regimen. For the remainder of the month of discipline, I will not allow myself to drink any alcohol, will force myself to make conversation with a stranger every night that I am out on the town, and will stay celibate.
Tonight I was disappointed in my progress; I had a few drinks, I ate a large meal, I did not engage anyone in conversation outside of my group of friends. This is unacceptable! This is not worthy of a month of discipline. On the drive home I felt frustrated with myself, angry that I was not living up to my full potential. Life is so incredibly short, and yet I waste opportunities. No longer, I will use this anger productively, and focus it.
Tomorrow, I will fast following my post-workout meal for 24 hours. This is a physical test of discipline that will serve to kick off this more restrictive, more deserving challenge.
Tonight I was disappointed in my progress; I had a few drinks, I ate a large meal, I did not engage anyone in conversation outside of my group of friends. This is unacceptable! This is not worthy of a month of discipline. On the drive home I felt frustrated with myself, angry that I was not living up to my full potential. Life is so incredibly short, and yet I waste opportunities. No longer, I will use this anger productively, and focus it.
Tomorrow, I will fast following my post-workout meal for 24 hours. This is a physical test of discipline that will serve to kick off this more restrictive, more deserving challenge.
Day Eleven: Sincerity
SINCERITY. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.
Today, during the eleventh day of my month of discipline I am reflecting on Benjamin Franklin's seventh area of self-improvement: Sincerity. I know that I have a bad habit relating to this area: When someone asks me a question, I am likely to stop and analyze their motivation, and answer in a way that they would like, regardless of how I actually feel.
I rationalize this habit as telling white lies, but in reality it is a side-effect of me wanting to be well-liked. I do believe that white lies are sometimes necessary, in that sometimes people really do not want you to answer a question honestly. The archetypical white-lie-inducing question is "Do you think I look fat?" Of course, a very very good, close friend might be able to answer completely honestly, but an acquaintence will say without fail something to the effect of no, or a very obviously sarcastic yes.
More problematic than simple white lies, are those lies that you say simply to please another person, although you might now the truth is different. Sadly, I must admit that I often peddle insincerities in interactions with the opposite sex or when two of my friends are quarreling.
In my engagements with the opposite sex, I am sometimes guilty of what some might call leading a girl on in order to satisfy my carnal desires. What is interesting is that in some circles, this is no sin at all; male culture sometimes endorses the view that all is fair when it comes to bedding women. I admit my fault, though there are some who see it as virtue; I give in to my libido and sacrifice my morality. These engagements, although they may stroke my ego and are momentarily fun, do not bring me lasting pleasure. They are something that I must work to stop; what I really what is some sort of lasting meaningful relationship. This lofty goal, however, will take work.
In my engagements with warring friends, I often play both sides. The problem is, usually, I can see both friends' points, so it is not wholly insincere for me to agree with them. Also, sometimes I can see the futility in trying to convince one friend that they are in the wrong; no one sees themselves as being the villian, and it hard to change this mindset without alienating your friend (this is one of Dale Carnegie's key insights in How to Make Friends and Influence People). Sometimes I go too far, however, and to one friend I concede that one friend is strictly right and the other is wrong, and perhaps I do the same thing with the other. In this case, I have hardened their viewpoints and may have made the fight worse. In such cases, I should always be honest, and say that I do in fact see both sides and not pronounce judgement on the other party, though it is what my friend may desire to hear from me.
In cases where I am insincere, I have sacrificed my integrity. When I am caught being insincere, the cost is my reputation and self-respect. So, surely I should endeavour to always be sincere, as Franklin suggests. An appropriate cliche is: What is right is not always easy, and what is easy is not always what is right. Right now, I am tempted to do what is easy (to be insincere and sacrifice my integrity), although it may cost me the temporary thanks of my friends or a night of carnal pleasure.
But, as always, self-improvement requires self-discipline. So, when faced with a cross-roads, I should take the right path, even if it is more difficult.
Today, during the eleventh day of my month of discipline I am reflecting on Benjamin Franklin's seventh area of self-improvement: Sincerity. I know that I have a bad habit relating to this area: When someone asks me a question, I am likely to stop and analyze their motivation, and answer in a way that they would like, regardless of how I actually feel.
I rationalize this habit as telling white lies, but in reality it is a side-effect of me wanting to be well-liked. I do believe that white lies are sometimes necessary, in that sometimes people really do not want you to answer a question honestly. The archetypical white-lie-inducing question is "Do you think I look fat?" Of course, a very very good, close friend might be able to answer completely honestly, but an acquaintence will say without fail something to the effect of no, or a very obviously sarcastic yes.
More problematic than simple white lies, are those lies that you say simply to please another person, although you might now the truth is different. Sadly, I must admit that I often peddle insincerities in interactions with the opposite sex or when two of my friends are quarreling.
In my engagements with the opposite sex, I am sometimes guilty of what some might call leading a girl on in order to satisfy my carnal desires. What is interesting is that in some circles, this is no sin at all; male culture sometimes endorses the view that all is fair when it comes to bedding women. I admit my fault, though there are some who see it as virtue; I give in to my libido and sacrifice my morality. These engagements, although they may stroke my ego and are momentarily fun, do not bring me lasting pleasure. They are something that I must work to stop; what I really what is some sort of lasting meaningful relationship. This lofty goal, however, will take work.
In my engagements with warring friends, I often play both sides. The problem is, usually, I can see both friends' points, so it is not wholly insincere for me to agree with them. Also, sometimes I can see the futility in trying to convince one friend that they are in the wrong; no one sees themselves as being the villian, and it hard to change this mindset without alienating your friend (this is one of Dale Carnegie's key insights in How to Make Friends and Influence People). Sometimes I go too far, however, and to one friend I concede that one friend is strictly right and the other is wrong, and perhaps I do the same thing with the other. In this case, I have hardened their viewpoints and may have made the fight worse. In such cases, I should always be honest, and say that I do in fact see both sides and not pronounce judgement on the other party, though it is what my friend may desire to hear from me.
In cases where I am insincere, I have sacrificed my integrity. When I am caught being insincere, the cost is my reputation and self-respect. So, surely I should endeavour to always be sincere, as Franklin suggests. An appropriate cliche is: What is right is not always easy, and what is easy is not always what is right. Right now, I am tempted to do what is easy (to be insincere and sacrifice my integrity), although it may cost me the temporary thanks of my friends or a night of carnal pleasure.
But, as always, self-improvement requires self-discipline. So, when faced with a cross-roads, I should take the right path, even if it is more difficult.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Day Ten: Industry
INDUSTRY. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.
This is the sixth of Benjamin Franklin's areas of self improvement as well as the subject of today's post.
In this age of facebook, obsessive e-mail checking, and countless other distractions begging to be engaged, it is truly difficult to always remain industrious. I know I actively struggle with my time-wasting habits each and every day. Just today, I wasted two hours watching a movie after I got home from school.
Its not that I didn't enjoy the movie, but I didn't gain from it; I'm no better than I was before the movie. I didn't learn from it, my attitudes about anything of merit were unaffected by it, it was a simple comedy. The fact is, at the very least there were more engaging movies that I could watch. For example, I could be whittling away at the 100 best movies instead of throwing time away.
Of course, I can't wake up tomorrow and suddenly be a billion times more productive with incredible laser focus. I'm not as naive as most new-years-resolutioners in that I recognize the incredible will-power it takes to give up cold turkey on a host of time-consuming habits. What I should do, is work on exercising my 'industriousness' muscle; incrementally improving my focus until perhaps some day in the distant future I can have the laser-beam focus I dream of. Indeed, as I was writing the previous sentence I lazily browsed a news site in order to avoid the intellectual challenge of writing.
My new found obsession with metrics has lead me to install rescue time, a program that can log time spent on wasteful sites, which even gives you a productivity rating. The idea is that I will fill guilty for visiting the guilty pleasure websites because they will bring down my rating.
A simple way to slightly increase industriousness is by cheating and finding escapes from my main work that I can still consider at least marginally productive. For example, as a break from research, instead of watching a trivial movie, I can watch a TED talk; if you haven't yet stumbled across these wonderful thought-provoking talks given by incredibly smart people, you are missing out.
While not incredibly productive, a TED talk is at least mentally stimulating and is not strictly throw-away. Likewise, I can work on side projects, or attempt to write music, or read a good book, instead of watching TV or lazily browsing blogs. These activities are at least fun, and have some kind of value; my mind gets exercise which may actually bring fresh insight into my work.
The end goal is to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, without having to so actively fight the temptation to zone out and surf.
Thus, tomorrow I will concentrate on this facet and attempt to clock in an uber-industrious day; although I don't expect to be able to continue such an ambitious task beyond a day (and I may even fail at a day), it is the start of actively trying to improve industriousness.
This is the sixth of Benjamin Franklin's areas of self improvement as well as the subject of today's post.
In this age of facebook, obsessive e-mail checking, and countless other distractions begging to be engaged, it is truly difficult to always remain industrious. I know I actively struggle with my time-wasting habits each and every day. Just today, I wasted two hours watching a movie after I got home from school.
Its not that I didn't enjoy the movie, but I didn't gain from it; I'm no better than I was before the movie. I didn't learn from it, my attitudes about anything of merit were unaffected by it, it was a simple comedy. The fact is, at the very least there were more engaging movies that I could watch. For example, I could be whittling away at the 100 best movies instead of throwing time away.
Of course, I can't wake up tomorrow and suddenly be a billion times more productive with incredible laser focus. I'm not as naive as most new-years-resolutioners in that I recognize the incredible will-power it takes to give up cold turkey on a host of time-consuming habits. What I should do, is work on exercising my 'industriousness' muscle; incrementally improving my focus until perhaps some day in the distant future I can have the laser-beam focus I dream of. Indeed, as I was writing the previous sentence I lazily browsed a news site in order to avoid the intellectual challenge of writing.
My new found obsession with metrics has lead me to install rescue time, a program that can log time spent on wasteful sites, which even gives you a productivity rating. The idea is that I will fill guilty for visiting the guilty pleasure websites because they will bring down my rating.
A simple way to slightly increase industriousness is by cheating and finding escapes from my main work that I can still consider at least marginally productive. For example, as a break from research, instead of watching a trivial movie, I can watch a TED talk; if you haven't yet stumbled across these wonderful thought-provoking talks given by incredibly smart people, you are missing out.
While not incredibly productive, a TED talk is at least mentally stimulating and is not strictly throw-away. Likewise, I can work on side projects, or attempt to write music, or read a good book, instead of watching TV or lazily browsing blogs. These activities are at least fun, and have some kind of value; my mind gets exercise which may actually bring fresh insight into my work.
The end goal is to do what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, without having to so actively fight the temptation to zone out and surf.
Thus, tomorrow I will concentrate on this facet and attempt to clock in an uber-industrious day; although I don't expect to be able to continue such an ambitious task beyond a day (and I may even fail at a day), it is the start of actively trying to improve industriousness.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Day Nine: Frugality
It is Monday, and I am taking some time away from the daily slog to continue documenting my 'month of discipline'. Yesterday, I wrote about another of Ben Franklin's areas of self-improvement, resolution, which I believe is of critical importance to my quest for self-discipline because with perfect resolve, one can do exactly what they say they will do. Today, I move on the next of Ben Franklin's areas of self-improvement: "FRUGALITY. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing."
Generally, I feel like I do a decent job of meeting this area already, as I live simply and beneath my means, but there is always room for improvement. I recently signed up for mint.com, which is a personal finance website that allows you to track your expenditures. It is easy to see how much money one wastes on trivialities and conveniences such as fast food or alcohol.
The phrase 'conveniences' illustrates how self-discipline can relate to frugality: Often, we spend more because we are lazy or are unwilling to put off to later what we desire now. In other words, we pay more sometimes because we are unable to delay gratification. For example, after a workout I often eat at the restraunt within the gym because I am hungry right then. I could save money, however, by waiting fifteen minutes until I am home, or by taking the time to pack a lunch earlier. This requires effort, and thus self-discipline.
A quick glance at mint reveals that I spend a lot of money eating out at restaurants and on weekends at bars. So, a good goal related to frugality is to minimize eating out and drinking out. I already am looking to minimize how much I drink, which indirectly reflects how much I am spending on alcohol; however, I am not explicitly tracking when I eat out. So, this suggests that I should add to my metrics: I will note whenever I eat out at a restaurant to raise my own awareness and gain the ability to track my progress.
It is also informative to look at minimizing my recurring costs, such as cable bills, cell-phone bills, and insurance. Although small changes to recurring costs may seem minor, they add up over the long term. For example, I am currently paying $15/month for text messaging. This is $180/year for a service that the cell-phone companies are completely gouging me on (the amount of data required to send a text message is minimal). Also, I pay $10/month for cable, although I watch very little TV. This is $120/year for a small convenience. So, by cutting out these two sinful allowances, I can save $300/year, with which I can buy something much more meaningful than I get for either of these two services.
However, it is difficult to completely stop texting because it would have social penalties. But, by switching to a lower text plan, I will force myself to depend on text messages less. Thus, I will change my text plan immediately, with the goal of eventually removing it completely. I will also return my cable box, to both save money, and so that I have less reason to waste time watching TV.
Generally, I feel like I do a decent job of meeting this area already, as I live simply and beneath my means, but there is always room for improvement. I recently signed up for mint.com, which is a personal finance website that allows you to track your expenditures. It is easy to see how much money one wastes on trivialities and conveniences such as fast food or alcohol.
The phrase 'conveniences' illustrates how self-discipline can relate to frugality: Often, we spend more because we are lazy or are unwilling to put off to later what we desire now. In other words, we pay more sometimes because we are unable to delay gratification. For example, after a workout I often eat at the restraunt within the gym because I am hungry right then. I could save money, however, by waiting fifteen minutes until I am home, or by taking the time to pack a lunch earlier. This requires effort, and thus self-discipline.
A quick glance at mint reveals that I spend a lot of money eating out at restaurants and on weekends at bars. So, a good goal related to frugality is to minimize eating out and drinking out. I already am looking to minimize how much I drink, which indirectly reflects how much I am spending on alcohol; however, I am not explicitly tracking when I eat out. So, this suggests that I should add to my metrics: I will note whenever I eat out at a restaurant to raise my own awareness and gain the ability to track my progress.
It is also informative to look at minimizing my recurring costs, such as cable bills, cell-phone bills, and insurance. Although small changes to recurring costs may seem minor, they add up over the long term. For example, I am currently paying $15/month for text messaging. This is $180/year for a service that the cell-phone companies are completely gouging me on (the amount of data required to send a text message is minimal). Also, I pay $10/month for cable, although I watch very little TV. This is $120/year for a small convenience. So, by cutting out these two sinful allowances, I can save $300/year, with which I can buy something much more meaningful than I get for either of these two services.
However, it is difficult to completely stop texting because it would have social penalties. But, by switching to a lower text plan, I will force myself to depend on text messages less. Thus, I will change my text plan immediately, with the goal of eventually removing it completely. I will also return my cable box, to both save money, and so that I have less reason to waste time watching TV.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Day Eight: Central Dogma of Self-Discipline
And so, the second week of my month of discipline has begun. With it, I am ready to focus on the next of Benjamin Franklin's areas of self improvement: "RESOLUTION. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve."
Resolution is basically follow-through, which is what self-discipline is all about: Having the resolve to do things that may be painful in the short term but rewarding in the long term.
This truly is an important principle, and one that most people don't understand or embrace. A simple demonstration of this are 'New Year's Resolutions," ambitious goals that people set that are quickly forgotten. The archetypical examples are new diets and exercise programs.
People overestimate their self-discipline when they formulate these plans; initially they truly believe that they will follow through with their ambitious plans. The first week may go well, but it seems that inevitably, motivation runs thin and old habits resurface to the detriment of the new. Soon the resolutions are forgotten, perhaps until the next December, and the cycle begins anew. What is the cause of this? Why can't I bring to fruition the ambitious plans that I want to follow through on?
The fascinating insight is this: There is an internal conflict between what the new years resolutioner wants to do and the short-term pain that it involves. Accomplishing the ambitious task of losing weight from a new diet or workout plan is a long-term goal that involves regularly forgoing the short-term pleasure of not working out or not eating some fatty food. Each workout or meal is inconsequential, but the sum of all these decisions adds up over time. The problem is then that at each isolated infinitesimal short-term step it is very tempting to cheat, to eat, to not work out, and to say that you'll make it up by doing tomorrow what you should do today.
The key to success when dealing with an ambitious long-term goal (such as a new year's resolution) is the ability to delay gratification. If you can master delaying gratification, then your possibilities for success are almost boundless; a master of gratification delay could do whatever they set their mind to. They could impose on themselves the most stringent diet or workout plan, aspiring to a long-term goal that they would not self-sabotage by cheating, and thus would have a very good chance of successfully meeting that goal. Gratification delay is the central dogma of self-discpline, and is a muscle that can be built up by strategically working it out.
Working out the 'gratification delay' muscle strangely borders on masochism: It involves actively doing the opposite of what you want to do. For example, running is a somewhat painful activity as it basically involves purposefully pushing your body to its physical limits. People run because it is beneficial to their health (and some people actually do enjoy it), but to me running is an opportunity to exercise 'gratification delay'.
At each moment that I am running I am physically getting farther from the point at which I started, and at some point I will turn back and run home. Each step then, is a temptation to turn around and start back, because with each step my task is made harder as I have further to return. At each step I must exercise gratification delay in order to not turn around because I would rather run less than more because I am inherently lazy.
There is a relationship between gratification delay and Benjamin Franklin's principle of resolution: Gratification delay is what allows one to accomplish resolution. It is easy to say 'I will eat healthy this week,' but hard to actually eat healthy this week. That is, the first part of the principle is easy: 'resolve to perform what you ought.' But the second part is the challenge: 'perform without fail what you resolve.' And the key to meeting the second part is gratification delay; with perfect gratification delay one would also master the most difficult part of resolve.
And so, the conclusion is that Resolution is central to self-discipline, and by mastering it, one can achieve incredibly ambitious goals, but strangely it bears some relation to masochism: one inflicts short term self-discomfort for the purposes of long-term gain. Each following day during this month of discpline (and hopefully continually after), I will attempt to embrace gratification delay, to work out this metaphorical muscle of key importance, in hopes of one day being able to perform without fail what I resolve.
Resolution is basically follow-through, which is what self-discipline is all about: Having the resolve to do things that may be painful in the short term but rewarding in the long term.
This truly is an important principle, and one that most people don't understand or embrace. A simple demonstration of this are 'New Year's Resolutions," ambitious goals that people set that are quickly forgotten. The archetypical examples are new diets and exercise programs.
People overestimate their self-discipline when they formulate these plans; initially they truly believe that they will follow through with their ambitious plans. The first week may go well, but it seems that inevitably, motivation runs thin and old habits resurface to the detriment of the new. Soon the resolutions are forgotten, perhaps until the next December, and the cycle begins anew. What is the cause of this? Why can't I bring to fruition the ambitious plans that I want to follow through on?
The fascinating insight is this: There is an internal conflict between what the new years resolutioner wants to do and the short-term pain that it involves. Accomplishing the ambitious task of losing weight from a new diet or workout plan is a long-term goal that involves regularly forgoing the short-term pleasure of not working out or not eating some fatty food. Each workout or meal is inconsequential, but the sum of all these decisions adds up over time. The problem is then that at each isolated infinitesimal short-term step it is very tempting to cheat, to eat, to not work out, and to say that you'll make it up by doing tomorrow what you should do today.
The key to success when dealing with an ambitious long-term goal (such as a new year's resolution) is the ability to delay gratification. If you can master delaying gratification, then your possibilities for success are almost boundless; a master of gratification delay could do whatever they set their mind to. They could impose on themselves the most stringent diet or workout plan, aspiring to a long-term goal that they would not self-sabotage by cheating, and thus would have a very good chance of successfully meeting that goal. Gratification delay is the central dogma of self-discpline, and is a muscle that can be built up by strategically working it out.
Working out the 'gratification delay' muscle strangely borders on masochism: It involves actively doing the opposite of what you want to do. For example, running is a somewhat painful activity as it basically involves purposefully pushing your body to its physical limits. People run because it is beneficial to their health (and some people actually do enjoy it), but to me running is an opportunity to exercise 'gratification delay'.
At each moment that I am running I am physically getting farther from the point at which I started, and at some point I will turn back and run home. Each step then, is a temptation to turn around and start back, because with each step my task is made harder as I have further to return. At each step I must exercise gratification delay in order to not turn around because I would rather run less than more because I am inherently lazy.
There is a relationship between gratification delay and Benjamin Franklin's principle of resolution: Gratification delay is what allows one to accomplish resolution. It is easy to say 'I will eat healthy this week,' but hard to actually eat healthy this week. That is, the first part of the principle is easy: 'resolve to perform what you ought.' But the second part is the challenge: 'perform without fail what you resolve.' And the key to meeting the second part is gratification delay; with perfect gratification delay one would also master the most difficult part of resolve.
And so, the conclusion is that Resolution is central to self-discipline, and by mastering it, one can achieve incredibly ambitious goals, but strangely it bears some relation to masochism: one inflicts short term self-discomfort for the purposes of long-term gain. Each following day during this month of discpline (and hopefully continually after), I will attempt to embrace gratification delay, to work out this metaphorical muscle of key importance, in hopes of one day being able to perform without fail what I resolve.
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Day Seven: Reflection
Today marks the first week of my 'month of discipline'. I've focused on being more temperate by reducing my drinking and abiding by a stricter diet, being more silent by lifting the level of my discourse beyond platitudes and only speaking when what I say will add something meaningful, and by being more ordered by organizing and taking time to take care of what should be taken care of. I've realized that I must be a man of action rather than one of mere thought, and that unsubstantiated fear of failure should not keep me from practicing new skills.
While subjectively, I can likely tell whether I have been productive or disciplined, it is also good to have quantitative measures so I can be more analytical about my progress. To this end, I have been recording certain metrics, such as weight, amount drank, when I workout, and sleep. After another week, I'll begin to delve deeper into the data that I have accumulated so far.
I've also seen that it is hard to remain motivated for even periods of time as short as a week; I must strive to keep my goals always in mind. To that end, I've gotten a new haircut which reminds me each time I look in the mirror, a small (temporary) physical change to symbolize what is hopefully a significant (and permanent) mental change. Also, I hope that the metrics I've set will be small rewards, that each some minor task is finished, such as working out, that logging it into my metric database will feel like an accomplishment.
Tomorrow I will focus on Benjamin Franklin's next area of self-improvement: Resolution.
While subjectively, I can likely tell whether I have been productive or disciplined, it is also good to have quantitative measures so I can be more analytical about my progress. To this end, I have been recording certain metrics, such as weight, amount drank, when I workout, and sleep. After another week, I'll begin to delve deeper into the data that I have accumulated so far.
I've also seen that it is hard to remain motivated for even periods of time as short as a week; I must strive to keep my goals always in mind. To that end, I've gotten a new haircut which reminds me each time I look in the mirror, a small (temporary) physical change to symbolize what is hopefully a significant (and permanent) mental change. Also, I hope that the metrics I've set will be small rewards, that each some minor task is finished, such as working out, that logging it into my metric database will feel like an accomplishment.
Tomorrow I will focus on Benjamin Franklin's next area of self-improvement: Resolution.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Day Six: Action
Almost a full week has gone by since I've embarked on this month of discipline, which I hope will strengthen my self-control as well as begin a habit of structured self-reflection and improvement. My role model in this quest is Ben Franklin, who was able to accomplish a great number of impressive things during his life, perhaps due in part to his dedication to self-improvement. My lofty ambition is that this path which I am now beginning may lead me to accomplish great things as well.
During the first three days, I looked at the first three of Benjamin Franklin's areas of self-improvement. Each month he would focus on one of these thirteen areas, documenting his shortcomings and attempting to fix them. The first three are Temperance, Silence, and Order. I quickly found that Order is one of my shortcomings, as I do not often impose it on my life. But, each day I have tried to make a small effort to tidy up some aspect of my life.
Another interesting shortcoming I have discovered, is that other people seeing me fail scares me inordinately. Let me put this into context: At a bar I realized that I wanted to go talk to some nice-looking ladies, but did not, out of fear of public failure. And so, I missed out on an opportunity to meet new peoople and challenge my social muscles. Life is too short to let an unreasonable fear inhibit me.
In other aspects of my live I relish failure; in order to master a new skill, failure is unavoidable. Every world-class musician was terrible when they first started, every professional athelete has botched a play. I say that I relish failure in other cases, because the more I fail, the more I will learn, and the quicker I will escape from novicehood. This is logical, and I believe is the right attitude when it comes to new skills; it is not that I want to fail, but that failure is necessary and unavoidable. Fear of initial failure should not preclude me from continuing to try; without trying, I could never progress to the point where I will not fail so often.
This is what has made me a good musician, a good student, and a good writer (hopefully). But music I can practice alone, as I can also do with schoolwork and writing. I like to see myself as someone who doesn't fail in public, and this self-conception prevents me sometimes from taking risks in public with respect to new skills (i.e. talking to pretty strangers). However, if I never try, I can never improve. So, I must engage my self-control to force myself to fail in public so that I can get better. Life is too short to live with irrational fears that may keep me from beautiful experiences. Tomorrow I will force myself to engage a lady I don't know in conversation.
During the first three days, I looked at the first three of Benjamin Franklin's areas of self-improvement. Each month he would focus on one of these thirteen areas, documenting his shortcomings and attempting to fix them. The first three are Temperance, Silence, and Order. I quickly found that Order is one of my shortcomings, as I do not often impose it on my life. But, each day I have tried to make a small effort to tidy up some aspect of my life.
Another interesting shortcoming I have discovered, is that other people seeing me fail scares me inordinately. Let me put this into context: At a bar I realized that I wanted to go talk to some nice-looking ladies, but did not, out of fear of public failure. And so, I missed out on an opportunity to meet new peoople and challenge my social muscles. Life is too short to let an unreasonable fear inhibit me.
In other aspects of my live I relish failure; in order to master a new skill, failure is unavoidable. Every world-class musician was terrible when they first started, every professional athelete has botched a play. I say that I relish failure in other cases, because the more I fail, the more I will learn, and the quicker I will escape from novicehood. This is logical, and I believe is the right attitude when it comes to new skills; it is not that I want to fail, but that failure is necessary and unavoidable. Fear of initial failure should not preclude me from continuing to try; without trying, I could never progress to the point where I will not fail so often.
This is what has made me a good musician, a good student, and a good writer (hopefully). But music I can practice alone, as I can also do with schoolwork and writing. I like to see myself as someone who doesn't fail in public, and this self-conception prevents me sometimes from taking risks in public with respect to new skills (i.e. talking to pretty strangers). However, if I never try, I can never improve. So, I must engage my self-control to force myself to fail in public so that I can get better. Life is too short to live with irrational fears that may keep me from beautiful experiences. Tomorrow I will force myself to engage a lady I don't know in conversation.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Day Five: Metrics
Yesterday I described a momentary setback in my month of discipline: My self-control wavered causing my productivity to dwindle. All in all though, I have been successful thus far, or at least I believe I have been; I feel like I'm more aware of what I should be doing and how to accomplish it. But how can I change a subjective feeling of increased self-discipline into a quantitative measurement so that I have evidence to back up this belief?
I think a straightforward way to do this is to establish a system of metrics; I can record when/if certain events happen in hopes that this record can be analyzed to reflect increasing or decreasing self-discipline. This sounds a bit mysterious, but it actually is very simply illustrated by an example: If not drinking requires self control, then by keeping track of how much I drink I can indirectly estimate my level of self-discipline.
The trick is to establish metrics that are a good proxy for the directly immeasurable quantity. In contrast, sometimes employers establish bad metrics that can be exploited to reflect exactly the opposite of what they are supposed to; for example, a metric based on 'lines of code' that a single computer programmer writes may indirectly encourage coders to be extremely verbose and not reuse common code. While the metric is intended to measure the productivity of programmers, it may instead reward bad programmers and lead to worse code and lost money for the company.
I've hacked up a simple database that will allow me to keep a record of salient events; but what should these events be? The amount I drink (alcoholic), my weight (when I weigh in at the gym), how often I excercise, the amount of sleep I get, and whether I set aside time each day for tidying up or learning a new word in a foreign toungue, are the current candidates. As a whole, I think that recording these events will give me a holistic sense of my self-discipline. They are indeed hard to exploit, because each of them represents something I may be tempted to skip, and thus requires controlling my impulses and actively delaying gratification.
Another measure of self-discipline, which I failed for the first time in the short history of this blog yesterday, is whether each day I write a post. Because it requires time and effort, when I am tired it is easy to put such a task off; it too can be added to the list of metrics. I am excited to begin collecting data, which gives my self-control a much needed boost after yesterday's unfortunate slump.
I think a straightforward way to do this is to establish a system of metrics; I can record when/if certain events happen in hopes that this record can be analyzed to reflect increasing or decreasing self-discipline. This sounds a bit mysterious, but it actually is very simply illustrated by an example: If not drinking requires self control, then by keeping track of how much I drink I can indirectly estimate my level of self-discipline.
The trick is to establish metrics that are a good proxy for the directly immeasurable quantity. In contrast, sometimes employers establish bad metrics that can be exploited to reflect exactly the opposite of what they are supposed to; for example, a metric based on 'lines of code' that a single computer programmer writes may indirectly encourage coders to be extremely verbose and not reuse common code. While the metric is intended to measure the productivity of programmers, it may instead reward bad programmers and lead to worse code and lost money for the company.
I've hacked up a simple database that will allow me to keep a record of salient events; but what should these events be? The amount I drink (alcoholic), my weight (when I weigh in at the gym), how often I excercise, the amount of sleep I get, and whether I set aside time each day for tidying up or learning a new word in a foreign toungue, are the current candidates. As a whole, I think that recording these events will give me a holistic sense of my self-discipline. They are indeed hard to exploit, because each of them represents something I may be tempted to skip, and thus requires controlling my impulses and actively delaying gratification.
Another measure of self-discipline, which I failed for the first time in the short history of this blog yesterday, is whether each day I write a post. Because it requires time and effort, when I am tired it is easy to put such a task off; it too can be added to the list of metrics. I am excited to begin collecting data, which gives my self-control a much needed boost after yesterday's unfortunate slump.
Day Four: Setback
I didn't make time to post on this blog yesterday, so I will have to catch up and do two posts today. This particular post is a reflection on the fourth day of my month of discipline. As the title suggests, all did not go according to plan.
Instead of moving on past Ben Franklin's first three areas of self-improvement: Temperance, Silence, and Order, I decided that Order posed enough challenge that I should spend an additional day on it. Order is my mount Everest, a fundamental flaw in my character. Rather than spend a few minutes each day to maintain order, I allow things to slowly slip into incomprehensible mess, putting off mundane chores always to tomorrow. It is one area of my life that I do not look sufficiently into the long term. It is a challenge that demands self-control, rigidly making myself tidy up each day until order naturally integrates into my daily routine.
I did make progress with order, taking care of things that I've put off, and tackling an area that I have always let lapse into a clustered mess of icons: My desktop. Order is about imposing organization, a heirarchy, where everything goes where it belongs and is easily found. While it seems silly, my desktop now makes me happy, where as before there may have been some implicit overwhelming sense of chaos.
The benefits of order are tangible, and I need to recognize that although I believe I do not need it, I in fact do. It is interesting that our self-models of various phenomena can be so wrong, and yet we can feel so certain about it; I was certain that order was something that would be a waste of time, that chaos suits me. And yet, after imposing just a small amount of order in my cluttered life, I can feel the goodness in order; my model was so wrong, and now I must fix it.
One of the aspects of successful people that I've begun to embrace is that of 'being a doer'. Planning is not enough, in order to be productive, one must produce. This tautology is powerful and is a mindset that I must adopt; too many times, I have ideas for projects but fail to follow through. No longer! And so, I put aside a few hours to become a published author; I'm producing a trivial book, but I hope that it leads to more substantial works later. Another principle I am embracing is that of baby steps (a la the classic film What About Bob); each baby step is a stepping stone to less trivial accomplishments.
However, today was not all roses; I fell back in productivity towards the end of the day. I allowed myself to be caught in a rut, to spend too much time on something undeserving. I also fell backwards when it came to Temperance, I went out for drinks with friends and lapsed into my old habits; had more to drink than I rationed myself, ate more than I should have. So today, I will redouble my efforts on that front; punish myself in a sense with a more restrictive diet in order to flex that all-important self-discipline muscle. Like any other muscle, repeated stress at manageable levels increases its strength.
Today I will be productive, set goals, and reach them. I will not move on to another principle of self-improvement yet, as it is clear that I have not fully embraced Temperance or Order yet.
Instead of moving on past Ben Franklin's first three areas of self-improvement: Temperance, Silence, and Order, I decided that Order posed enough challenge that I should spend an additional day on it. Order is my mount Everest, a fundamental flaw in my character. Rather than spend a few minutes each day to maintain order, I allow things to slowly slip into incomprehensible mess, putting off mundane chores always to tomorrow. It is one area of my life that I do not look sufficiently into the long term. It is a challenge that demands self-control, rigidly making myself tidy up each day until order naturally integrates into my daily routine.
I did make progress with order, taking care of things that I've put off, and tackling an area that I have always let lapse into a clustered mess of icons: My desktop. Order is about imposing organization, a heirarchy, where everything goes where it belongs and is easily found. While it seems silly, my desktop now makes me happy, where as before there may have been some implicit overwhelming sense of chaos.
The benefits of order are tangible, and I need to recognize that although I believe I do not need it, I in fact do. It is interesting that our self-models of various phenomena can be so wrong, and yet we can feel so certain about it; I was certain that order was something that would be a waste of time, that chaos suits me. And yet, after imposing just a small amount of order in my cluttered life, I can feel the goodness in order; my model was so wrong, and now I must fix it.
One of the aspects of successful people that I've begun to embrace is that of 'being a doer'. Planning is not enough, in order to be productive, one must produce. This tautology is powerful and is a mindset that I must adopt; too many times, I have ideas for projects but fail to follow through. No longer! And so, I put aside a few hours to become a published author; I'm producing a trivial book, but I hope that it leads to more substantial works later. Another principle I am embracing is that of baby steps (a la the classic film What About Bob); each baby step is a stepping stone to less trivial accomplishments.
However, today was not all roses; I fell back in productivity towards the end of the day. I allowed myself to be caught in a rut, to spend too much time on something undeserving. I also fell backwards when it came to Temperance, I went out for drinks with friends and lapsed into my old habits; had more to drink than I rationed myself, ate more than I should have. So today, I will redouble my efforts on that front; punish myself in a sense with a more restrictive diet in order to flex that all-important self-discipline muscle. Like any other muscle, repeated stress at manageable levels increases its strength.
Today I will be productive, set goals, and reach them. I will not move on to another principle of self-improvement yet, as it is clear that I have not fully embraced Temperance or Order yet.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Friend Test
I've designed a fairly stringent douchebag-filter so that I can spend my time conversating with pals that don't suck. The test is simple, and consists of only one multiple choice question:
When you hear the phrase 'make it rain' which of the following do you think of:
A) A frenzied ejaculation of dollar bills at a strip club
B) Silver Iodide
When you hear the phrase 'make it rain' which of the following do you think of:
A) A frenzied ejaculation of dollar bills at a strip club
B) Silver Iodide
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Day Three: Order
Yesterday was the second day, in this month of discipline; I believe I remained temperate in my eating and drinking and also tried to integrate Franklin's 'silence' concept into my day. I believe I was successful in elevating the level of conversation, especially during a tennis match; we talked about business ideas and possible collaboration rather than trivial tennis facts or our favorite players. It is a challenge to keep up a high level of discourse and not fall into the casual routine of the standard superficial talks from which we learn nothing.
Today is the third day in the month of discipline, which brings us to the most challenging (for me, personally) concept from Ben Franklin's 13 areas of self-improvement: "ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time." I am by nature a slob, but at the same time, I realize the value of order; I have never made order a proper priority although I know that it deserves to be one. Lack of order does hurt me: Sloppy experiments, forgotten obligations, and a growing to-do list resulting from putting off till tomorrow what might be done today, all are counter-productive and easily fixable.
So, today, I will clean my room, and make appointments for things I have put off. A quick stop at the public library netted a book entitled: 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Organizing Your Life." Because I am but a novice when it comes to organization, I will rely on someone else's authority to bootstrap my learning.
One of the first interesting concepts in the book is that of 'unstuffing,' or simplifying by getting rid of unneeded, unused, or broken things. This appeals to me, because I would like to simplify my life, and reduce the amount of 'things' that I own; material things are nice, but they should not run or complicate my life. Hopefully I can put this into action, and perhaps more gems from this book will be detailed in later posts.
I realize that my problem when it comes to order, is that I frankly hate cleaning and organizing because I feel like it is wasted time and certainly not something that I am interested in. However, ultimately, it is productive use of time because in the long run it will lead to less wasted time on experiments, always having complete knowledge of my commitments, and a well-manicured to-do list. So, I must force myself into order until it is a habit, much like exercise, or reading.
The added benefit is that I will work-out my self-discipline muscle by forcing myself to be ordered (although I do not want to), which is the overarching purpose behind this month of discipline: Success follows from pursuing long-term goals at cost of short-term pleasure.
Today is the third day in the month of discipline, which brings us to the most challenging (for me, personally) concept from Ben Franklin's 13 areas of self-improvement: "ORDER. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time." I am by nature a slob, but at the same time, I realize the value of order; I have never made order a proper priority although I know that it deserves to be one. Lack of order does hurt me: Sloppy experiments, forgotten obligations, and a growing to-do list resulting from putting off till tomorrow what might be done today, all are counter-productive and easily fixable.
So, today, I will clean my room, and make appointments for things I have put off. A quick stop at the public library netted a book entitled: 'The Complete Idiot's Guide to Organizing Your Life." Because I am but a novice when it comes to organization, I will rely on someone else's authority to bootstrap my learning.
One of the first interesting concepts in the book is that of 'unstuffing,' or simplifying by getting rid of unneeded, unused, or broken things. This appeals to me, because I would like to simplify my life, and reduce the amount of 'things' that I own; material things are nice, but they should not run or complicate my life. Hopefully I can put this into action, and perhaps more gems from this book will be detailed in later posts.
I realize that my problem when it comes to order, is that I frankly hate cleaning and organizing because I feel like it is wasted time and certainly not something that I am interested in. However, ultimately, it is productive use of time because in the long run it will lead to less wasted time on experiments, always having complete knowledge of my commitments, and a well-manicured to-do list. So, I must force myself into order until it is a habit, much like exercise, or reading.
The added benefit is that I will work-out my self-discipline muscle by forcing myself to be ordered (although I do not want to), which is the overarching purpose behind this month of discipline: Success follows from pursuing long-term goals at cost of short-term pleasure.
Monday, October 5, 2009
Day Two: Silence
The first day of my month of discipline is finished, and I feel like I kept on track, although towards the end of the day, my resolve to be productive weakened. Today I'll endeavour to be better. A pop-science article I read earlier this month claimed that the way to make a habit stick is to focus not on the temporary minutia, but to look ahead a few months and see where you might be if you are successful. In other words, in order to stay motivated, remember the ultimate goal rather than the tiny steps along the way.
Yesterday I looked at Ben Franklin's first area of self improvement: Temperance; the idea is to maintain control of food and drink (or any temptation), to not over-indulge. After applying Ben's self-improvement tactics for only one day, it is easy to see why they are so effective; by narrowing in on only one aspect, it brings this aspect into focus, so that one is aware when the temptation is likely to strike, and how to combat it.
Today, I look at Ben Franklin's second area of self improvement: Silence. He introduces it like this: 'SILENCE: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.' I think the wisdom in silence is that it teaches you to value words, the vehicle of ideas. In order to be a wise man, one should concern himself with meaningful ideas, and thus meaningful words. But the temptation is to speak banalities, to stroke another's or your own ego, or to engage in pointless gossip.
In my own life, I am often alone when I am working, and am often silent. I've always been an introvert, although over the years I've strived to be more outgoing. While it would be tempting to say that I've mastered 'silence', I know that this is far from the truth. Sometimes I am tempted to gossip, or to reinforce others' ideas about themselves to ingratiate them to myself. My conversations with others should always be stimulating, should lead to learning and contemplation.
The problem is that in this age, stimulating conversation is the exception rather than the rule. Reality TV, celebrity news, and political shows that stress sound bites over debate are the dominant forms of mass communication. Sometimes, it is difficult to engage in a real conversation, but it does make me appreciate those who are willing to engage much more; the openness to an honest exchange of ideas seems to be declining in the general population. People seem to have deeply engrained ideas that they are unwilling to even question or discuss; hopefully I am not the same way.
This principle also applies of course, to writing as well as literal speech. If this blog is merely a masturbatory artifact and brings nothing of consequence to any potential readers, then I have failed. Rather than center solely on my own insignificant life, I hope that my struggles with discipline during this month can inspire others, or at least bring some wisdom to light that isn't immediately obvious. I endeavor to make my writing more salient to those who would read it, who would exchange their valuable time to digest these simple words.
Today, as I reflect on 'silence', I will critically judge my discourse, whether written or spoken, in order to improve it.
Yesterday I looked at Ben Franklin's first area of self improvement: Temperance; the idea is to maintain control of food and drink (or any temptation), to not over-indulge. After applying Ben's self-improvement tactics for only one day, it is easy to see why they are so effective; by narrowing in on only one aspect, it brings this aspect into focus, so that one is aware when the temptation is likely to strike, and how to combat it.
Today, I look at Ben Franklin's second area of self improvement: Silence. He introduces it like this: 'SILENCE: Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.' I think the wisdom in silence is that it teaches you to value words, the vehicle of ideas. In order to be a wise man, one should concern himself with meaningful ideas, and thus meaningful words. But the temptation is to speak banalities, to stroke another's or your own ego, or to engage in pointless gossip.
In my own life, I am often alone when I am working, and am often silent. I've always been an introvert, although over the years I've strived to be more outgoing. While it would be tempting to say that I've mastered 'silence', I know that this is far from the truth. Sometimes I am tempted to gossip, or to reinforce others' ideas about themselves to ingratiate them to myself. My conversations with others should always be stimulating, should lead to learning and contemplation.
The problem is that in this age, stimulating conversation is the exception rather than the rule. Reality TV, celebrity news, and political shows that stress sound bites over debate are the dominant forms of mass communication. Sometimes, it is difficult to engage in a real conversation, but it does make me appreciate those who are willing to engage much more; the openness to an honest exchange of ideas seems to be declining in the general population. People seem to have deeply engrained ideas that they are unwilling to even question or discuss; hopefully I am not the same way.
This principle also applies of course, to writing as well as literal speech. If this blog is merely a masturbatory artifact and brings nothing of consequence to any potential readers, then I have failed. Rather than center solely on my own insignificant life, I hope that my struggles with discipline during this month can inspire others, or at least bring some wisdom to light that isn't immediately obvious. I endeavor to make my writing more salient to those who would read it, who would exchange their valuable time to digest these simple words.
Today, as I reflect on 'silence', I will critically judge my discourse, whether written or spoken, in order to improve it.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Day One: Temperence
This marks the first day of my month of discipline, in which I will attempt to form a long-term habit of self improvement and self control. So far, my temptations have been mild and for the most part, I have kept in control. A vice I have indulged myself is of checking my email and various news sites often as a means of avoiding work. This is something that I will have to limit, and I'm noticing is a deeply ingrained bad habit.
This bad habit is a good way to segue into the first of Benjamin Franklin's 13 areas of self improvement: Temperance. One of my key inspirations for starting this voyage of self improvement was seeing how it propelled Mr. Franklin to an incredibly productive life. Every week he would concentrate on bettering himself in one of thirteen areas, documenting and analyzing means to improve his performance.
Temperance is listed as the first of these areas, and is introduced thus:
"TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation."
Unfortunately for me, addressing temperance will be a painful step; eating and drinking are two simple pleasures that I find myself indulging despite my self-promises to the contrary. It is not that I am a drunkard or obese; in fact, I am in very good physical shape and do not often get drunk. However, I realize that sometimes I do not have the self control to deny a drink or stop myself from overeating.
While eating brings a simple pleasure, as does drinking, I should be able to transcend these simple base pleasures, these evolutionary artifacts from caveman days, and concentrate on more complex and ultimately more fufilling long-term goals.
Food brings pleasure because it is necessary to sustain life; we crave salty, fatty, unhealthy foods because such foods are rich in energy that was once hard for primitive man to acquire. In modern civilization where food is not in short supply, these desires are counter-productive. Although it might be delicious and bring me pleasure in the short term, eating an entire cheesecake is counter-productive towards my not being a gigantic tub of lard.
Drinking is a similar story; alcohol is merely a chemical that brings temporary relaxation, pleasure, and relief from thinking. It is merely a drug, although perhaps a mild one that can be responsibly used. Sampling diverse flavors and varieties of beers is an enjoyable hobby, and sometimes the relaxation that alcohol brings is an impetus to think through things in different ways or talk with friends about topics that ordinarily are not discussed.
I do not propose to abolish food or alcohol from my diet, the former for obvious reasons, the latter because I enjoy it too much, but to always feel that I have control over my desires and urges rather than letting the urges drive me. Because I like food so much, this is sometimes difficult, especially when I am around friends who indulge themselves more than I would like to. The smell of greasy pizza is enticing, and I must fight actively against my genes in order to avoid overindulging myself. Likewise when I am out at a bar with friends it is easy to continue drinking past the point I said I would limit myself to ('only two beers tonight') because I know that more alcohol will bring me short-term pleasure.
It is not the short-term, with which my base instincts tell me to optimize towards, but the long-term, which my analytical brain considers, that truly matter. Temperance, although introduced by Jefferson only in the scope of food and drink, can apply to any short-term goal which may hinder a long-term goal. For example, for me, I am aware that overchecking my email, or habitually checking news sites is a way to avoid work, which is necessary for my long-term goals.
So for the rest of today, and hopefully, for the rest of the month, I will institute a policy of temperance when I realize I am over-indulging a habit. The first two that I have recognized, checking my email and news sites, I will try to limit to only a few times per day. Perhaps by tomorrow I will find a way of quantitatively measuring how often I do these two things, so that I can ensure I am progressing towards minimizing them
This bad habit is a good way to segue into the first of Benjamin Franklin's 13 areas of self improvement: Temperance. One of my key inspirations for starting this voyage of self improvement was seeing how it propelled Mr. Franklin to an incredibly productive life. Every week he would concentrate on bettering himself in one of thirteen areas, documenting and analyzing means to improve his performance.
Temperance is listed as the first of these areas, and is introduced thus:
"TEMPERANCE. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation."
Unfortunately for me, addressing temperance will be a painful step; eating and drinking are two simple pleasures that I find myself indulging despite my self-promises to the contrary. It is not that I am a drunkard or obese; in fact, I am in very good physical shape and do not often get drunk. However, I realize that sometimes I do not have the self control to deny a drink or stop myself from overeating.
While eating brings a simple pleasure, as does drinking, I should be able to transcend these simple base pleasures, these evolutionary artifacts from caveman days, and concentrate on more complex and ultimately more fufilling long-term goals.
Food brings pleasure because it is necessary to sustain life; we crave salty, fatty, unhealthy foods because such foods are rich in energy that was once hard for primitive man to acquire. In modern civilization where food is not in short supply, these desires are counter-productive. Although it might be delicious and bring me pleasure in the short term, eating an entire cheesecake is counter-productive towards my not being a gigantic tub of lard.
Drinking is a similar story; alcohol is merely a chemical that brings temporary relaxation, pleasure, and relief from thinking. It is merely a drug, although perhaps a mild one that can be responsibly used. Sampling diverse flavors and varieties of beers is an enjoyable hobby, and sometimes the relaxation that alcohol brings is an impetus to think through things in different ways or talk with friends about topics that ordinarily are not discussed.
I do not propose to abolish food or alcohol from my diet, the former for obvious reasons, the latter because I enjoy it too much, but to always feel that I have control over my desires and urges rather than letting the urges drive me. Because I like food so much, this is sometimes difficult, especially when I am around friends who indulge themselves more than I would like to. The smell of greasy pizza is enticing, and I must fight actively against my genes in order to avoid overindulging myself. Likewise when I am out at a bar with friends it is easy to continue drinking past the point I said I would limit myself to ('only two beers tonight') because I know that more alcohol will bring me short-term pleasure.
It is not the short-term, with which my base instincts tell me to optimize towards, but the long-term, which my analytical brain considers, that truly matter. Temperance, although introduced by Jefferson only in the scope of food and drink, can apply to any short-term goal which may hinder a long-term goal. For example, for me, I am aware that overchecking my email, or habitually checking news sites is a way to avoid work, which is necessary for my long-term goals.
So for the rest of today, and hopefully, for the rest of the month, I will institute a policy of temperance when I realize I am over-indulging a habit. The first two that I have recognized, checking my email and news sites, I will try to limit to only a few times per day. Perhaps by tomorrow I will find a way of quantitatively measuring how often I do these two things, so that I can ensure I am progressing towards minimizing them
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Month of Discipline
Surprisingly, even writing for a non-existant audience can have tangible effect on one's life. The mere act of documenting the struggle of trying to implement an ambitious plan can influence the success of such a struggle. Even if the struggle fails, the documentation can reveal a fundamental flaw that the next attempt might address. So, here I declare the next thirty days to be The Month of Discipline.
While I've always internally tried to always improve myself, to dedicate myself to slow incremental progress in learning difficult skills, I've never really tried to objectively measure or track progress. This objectivity might be necessary to progress further in my mental journeys; I've noticed that rigid control of certain vices of mine are currently beyond my self-control. There are things I want to do, consciously, that I cannot will myself to do. I am occasionally a slave to my stomach, to my libido, to my laziness; I no longer am willing to accept this indenture, and so during the month of discipline I will attempt to strictly limit my excesses in all ways.
This simple blog will document my successes and failures as I strive for greater self-control and productivity in all aspects of my life for the next month. My new role model is Benjamin Franklin, who I am beginning to learn, was an amazing man from whom I have much to learn. His life was dedicated to self-improvement, I will write more about him during this month as I hope to draw inspiration from the exemplar he represents.
Sometimes it is best to start a new mental pattern with a corresponding physical change. A simple way to do this is with a radically new hair-cut. Although ultimately unconnected to the mental struggle, each time I look in the mirror I will unavoidably be reminded of the underlying purpose of this physical change and seeds of weakness in my mind might be swept away, replaced by a renewed sense of the immense long-term change in my life this single month may usher in.
While I've always internally tried to always improve myself, to dedicate myself to slow incremental progress in learning difficult skills, I've never really tried to objectively measure or track progress. This objectivity might be necessary to progress further in my mental journeys; I've noticed that rigid control of certain vices of mine are currently beyond my self-control. There are things I want to do, consciously, that I cannot will myself to do. I am occasionally a slave to my stomach, to my libido, to my laziness; I no longer am willing to accept this indenture, and so during the month of discipline I will attempt to strictly limit my excesses in all ways.
This simple blog will document my successes and failures as I strive for greater self-control and productivity in all aspects of my life for the next month. My new role model is Benjamin Franklin, who I am beginning to learn, was an amazing man from whom I have much to learn. His life was dedicated to self-improvement, I will write more about him during this month as I hope to draw inspiration from the exemplar he represents.
Sometimes it is best to start a new mental pattern with a corresponding physical change. A simple way to do this is with a radically new hair-cut. Although ultimately unconnected to the mental struggle, each time I look in the mirror I will unavoidably be reminded of the underlying purpose of this physical change and seeds of weakness in my mind might be swept away, replaced by a renewed sense of the immense long-term change in my life this single month may usher in.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Motivation
Each day is a new chance to start over, to get things right, to set in motion the way that we really want to live. Each day is a trial, a series of decisions that can be right or wrong. It is easy to do what is most pleasurable in the short term, but difficult to exercise the self-discipline necessary to do what is in one's long term interests. But it is those long term interests that truly matter; when I look back five years from now will I look back and wish that I did more? Will I wish that I had been stronger?
I am strong, but I falter. There are things I know I should do, but sometimes I am tired. I tire from the constant struggle to improve, to make productive use of the most precious resource: Time. Time waits for no one and cannot be bought for any price. Each second that passes will never come again and brings us one second closer to the inevitable. While some might say this outlook is morbid, it is also inescapable. Those who deny their mortality or refuse to at least consider the infinite span of time in which they will no longer be present, live very dangerously, because the implications of our short lifespan are so profound.
I don't know where I was before I was born, or where I'll be after I die. Or when I will die, for that matter. I strongly suspect that there is no afterlife, just because it is the simplest explanation of everything. So, I should live this life as if it is all that I have, and to make the absolute most of every moment that I have the privilege of enjoying. Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one; as Jubal once said: 'There is no safety this side of the grave." So, when I am tired, when I am weak, I will have to remind myself the quiescence of this unstable existence and redouble my efforts.
I am strong, but I falter. There are things I know I should do, but sometimes I am tired. I tire from the constant struggle to improve, to make productive use of the most precious resource: Time. Time waits for no one and cannot be bought for any price. Each second that passes will never come again and brings us one second closer to the inevitable. While some might say this outlook is morbid, it is also inescapable. Those who deny their mortality or refuse to at least consider the infinite span of time in which they will no longer be present, live very dangerously, because the implications of our short lifespan are so profound.
I don't know where I was before I was born, or where I'll be after I die. Or when I will die, for that matter. I strongly suspect that there is no afterlife, just because it is the simplest explanation of everything. So, I should live this life as if it is all that I have, and to make the absolute most of every moment that I have the privilege of enjoying. Tomorrow is guaranteed to no one; as Jubal once said: 'There is no safety this side of the grave." So, when I am tired, when I am weak, I will have to remind myself the quiescence of this unstable existence and redouble my efforts.
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