Tomorrow will be my last post for awhile because I will be concentrating all of my writing a full novel in a month, a mental marathon that will surely challenge me in a very productive way. Tomorrow's post will detail the last of Benjamin Franklin's areas of self improvement, which I think will require me to be more alert than I currently am at this time of night (morning). Today's post will just try to reflect on the month of discipline, the lessons learned and the setbacks and accomplishments encountered along the way.
Firstly, from this month I have realized the magnitude of the trek yet in front of me to reach self-discipline mastery. It alway seems like self-discipline is easy when you picture it in your mind, but the day-to-day trials of willpower often are unbearable. For example, it seems easy to start a new diet; you say 'sure, I just won't eat that bad food.' But then, you find yourself craving some greasy food after a hard day of work, when your will-power is at its weakest. This is the moment of truth, when making the correct choice is so difficult. I am not at the point yet where I am immune to such temptation when I am at my weakest. Someday, I hope to be at that point.
There are two accomplishments that I am particularily proud of: Not drinking for three weeks, and a day of fasting. My friends drink alot, and so I often find myself drinking alot (up to 3-4x a week). For three weeks I avoided beverages, instead substituting caffeine for alcohol. I learned that not drinking is something I can handle, although drinking occasionally is fun. There were certainly times in which I was very tempted to get a beer, because everyone else was drinking, and to avoid the inevitable ribbing for not drinking. However, I stayed true. The other accomplishment that I was proud of was fasting for a day. Going twenty four hours without food was difficult for me, although not unbearable. It gave such purpose to that day, though. It was a day I won't soon forget. The day lasted forever, and I was productive and focused. The last few hours were the hardest, and the flavor of the food when the fast was finally broken was delicious. In both cases, I proved that when I promise myself I will accomplish something, I can keep true to my word.
This had led to my next two challenges, which are both very ambitious and hopefully will keep my self-discipline progress strong. I am aiming to run a marathon in February, which will require intense willpower in training and in running the actual race. In addition, I am planning on writing a novel in the month of November, something I have never done but which I have wanted to. As a result of these challenges, my fitness and my writing will both improve, and at the same time, my self-discipline will be further honed. I can only imagine what the next round of challenges will be after these! The exciting thing is that I am beginning to anticipate the fufillment of these challenges; I do not doubt my own resolve. My confidence in my abilities is growing.
However, I am still weak. I waste time that I should be productive with, reading news sites, obsessively checking email, and otherwise avoiding work. This must change, as my time on this planet is infinitely valuable, it is a finite consumable that will too soon be exhausted. Of course, there will always be room for improvement, but this aspect is one that certainly deserves my focus.
In conclusion, the month of self-discipline was a good first step. I am not yet a self-discipline ninja, but I am attempting to keep the momentum I've built in the month by commiting myself (perhaps overcomitting) to two new projects. I'll keep striving and working until one day I will have conquered my primal self and only the higher levels of consciousness will remain. My self-promise will be as good as gold. Someday, some distant day...
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Day Twenty Six: Chastity
12. CHASTITY. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dulness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.
Today in one of my last posts for this month of discipline, I will review one of the last of Benjamin Franklin's self-improvement principles, one that is a bit controversial: Chastity. The way I interpret this, Ben is saying that as in all other things, sex is best in moderation, and should not hurt anyone. I completely agree, and have been guilty in the past of not abiding by this rule.
It is of no surprise why: The human sex drive is strong. This makes sense because reproduction is crucial to propagating one's genes, and so the more we reproduce the better in terms of our evolutionary fitness. Once again, our genes conspire against us and must be conquered with self-control.
Sex is not inherently a bad thing; it can be a way to express in physical terms the emotional connection between two people in love, or perhaps merely a fun way to exercise between two consenting adults. However, sometimes sex is a means for a man to exploit a woman; we all know the stereotypes of men who would say anything to get a woman into bed, making false promises and employing devious tricks to get past the woman's defense. While this might be defensible in terms of blind genes driving us to do things, 'my genes made me do it' is not a valid argument. Our genes are not in ultimate control of us, we make conscious decisions to do things and thus the buck stops with our intention, not our genes. Our genes, though they produced us, cede control to our brain although they try to influence us with their indirect means of influence such as the sex drive.
What I've learned about sex is that it is somewhat hollow when your partner is not someone you are ultimately interested in. Despite what movies and culture may espouse about men who are able to bed many women, the hype does not live up to the reality, at least in my view. As loathe as I am to say it, sex is likely best reserved for a meaningful long term relationship. or at least a well-acknowledged short term one. There was a time when I viewed my desires for sex as my animal heritage, something that I should not deny; but this merely led to hurting women by satisfying my desires. It is not our animal desires that make us human, but our ability to supress them! The one thing that separates us from the animals is our conscious ability to rebel against our genes.
So, during my youth I would not have conceded the merit of Ben Franklin's stance, but now I am mature enough to realize that he is right; sex is a powerful act, one that should not be pursued blindly for its own sake, but is best in a certain meaningful context. As a powerful act, one should always remember the dangerous side of sex, such as pregnancy and stds. Less dramatically, the emotional impact of sex, especially on women, can be incredibly painful. Women, evolutionarily, have much more invested in sex then men; sex represents nine months of energy devoted to the genes of only one man. Thus, a women is careful about sex, and acts as a gatekeepr. Men, on the other hand, can inseminate an almost limitless amount of women in the same time, with no direct comitment (becuase they do not carry the baby). This is the heart of the evolutionary conflict between man and woman.
The conflict is this: Men, in general, tend to prefer polygamy, while women tend to prefer monogamy. This is a general statement, so of course there will be exceptions. But as a general rule, it makes sense because of the relative investments of men and women in sex. There is no silver bullet to solving this conflict; men want lots of varied partners, while women would prefer the man to stay true.
For awhile, I struggled with this realization; I could deny myself sex, or hurt women whom I didn't really want a long term relationship with. In the end, I realized that conquering my desire for sex is a way for me to conquer my genes and resolve the conflict. I want to do no harm, and by blindly following the whimsical desires of my gene-guided hormones I was inflicting harm. The solution is to rebel against the genes, overthrow the control they hold on me.
So now, I must practice this virtue of chastity until I find someone that I can really connect with, which is somewhat of a rareity. All roads lead to control of self and denying our primal insticts; this is what it truly means to be human.
Today in one of my last posts for this month of discipline, I will review one of the last of Benjamin Franklin's self-improvement principles, one that is a bit controversial: Chastity. The way I interpret this, Ben is saying that as in all other things, sex is best in moderation, and should not hurt anyone. I completely agree, and have been guilty in the past of not abiding by this rule.
It is of no surprise why: The human sex drive is strong. This makes sense because reproduction is crucial to propagating one's genes, and so the more we reproduce the better in terms of our evolutionary fitness. Once again, our genes conspire against us and must be conquered with self-control.
Sex is not inherently a bad thing; it can be a way to express in physical terms the emotional connection between two people in love, or perhaps merely a fun way to exercise between two consenting adults. However, sometimes sex is a means for a man to exploit a woman; we all know the stereotypes of men who would say anything to get a woman into bed, making false promises and employing devious tricks to get past the woman's defense. While this might be defensible in terms of blind genes driving us to do things, 'my genes made me do it' is not a valid argument. Our genes are not in ultimate control of us, we make conscious decisions to do things and thus the buck stops with our intention, not our genes. Our genes, though they produced us, cede control to our brain although they try to influence us with their indirect means of influence such as the sex drive.
What I've learned about sex is that it is somewhat hollow when your partner is not someone you are ultimately interested in. Despite what movies and culture may espouse about men who are able to bed many women, the hype does not live up to the reality, at least in my view. As loathe as I am to say it, sex is likely best reserved for a meaningful long term relationship. or at least a well-acknowledged short term one. There was a time when I viewed my desires for sex as my animal heritage, something that I should not deny; but this merely led to hurting women by satisfying my desires. It is not our animal desires that make us human, but our ability to supress them! The one thing that separates us from the animals is our conscious ability to rebel against our genes.
So, during my youth I would not have conceded the merit of Ben Franklin's stance, but now I am mature enough to realize that he is right; sex is a powerful act, one that should not be pursued blindly for its own sake, but is best in a certain meaningful context. As a powerful act, one should always remember the dangerous side of sex, such as pregnancy and stds. Less dramatically, the emotional impact of sex, especially on women, can be incredibly painful. Women, evolutionarily, have much more invested in sex then men; sex represents nine months of energy devoted to the genes of only one man. Thus, a women is careful about sex, and acts as a gatekeepr. Men, on the other hand, can inseminate an almost limitless amount of women in the same time, with no direct comitment (becuase they do not carry the baby). This is the heart of the evolutionary conflict between man and woman.
The conflict is this: Men, in general, tend to prefer polygamy, while women tend to prefer monogamy. This is a general statement, so of course there will be exceptions. But as a general rule, it makes sense because of the relative investments of men and women in sex. There is no silver bullet to solving this conflict; men want lots of varied partners, while women would prefer the man to stay true.
For awhile, I struggled with this realization; I could deny myself sex, or hurt women whom I didn't really want a long term relationship with. In the end, I realized that conquering my desire for sex is a way for me to conquer my genes and resolve the conflict. I want to do no harm, and by blindly following the whimsical desires of my gene-guided hormones I was inflicting harm. The solution is to rebel against the genes, overthrow the control they hold on me.
So now, I must practice this virtue of chastity until I find someone that I can really connect with, which is somewhat of a rareity. All roads lead to control of self and denying our primal insticts; this is what it truly means to be human.
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Day Twenty Five: Tranquility
TRANQUILLITY. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.
As my month of discipline comes to a close, I want to finish writings about the rest of Ben Franklin's impressive areas of self-improvment. There are only two more after this one, so my goal is within reach. After Halloween, as November starts, this blog will fall into disrepair for a month as I concentrate on my marathon and writing a novel in only thirty days!
A reinterpretation of Ben Franklin's idea of tranquility is "don't fret the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." The idea is to simply take things in stride, to keep one's cool. How easy it is to find oneself incredibly aggrevated by a simple traffic jam or upset at oneself for making a trivial mistake. And yet, in the grand scheme of things, what initially seems to be a massive hindrence is soon forgotton.
The benefit of practicing tranquility is lower bloodpressure and overall contentment. People will notice that you are not purely reactive, that you have an inner calm most don't possess. When things don't go your way, you do not explode, you are not moved, you are unaffected.
At the risk of contributing even more to my overcomittedness, I think five minutes of quiet meditation a day would do wonders for my tranquility; this meditation can take place while I am stuck in traffic or perhaps as I start my morning. Meditation can ground oneself, prepare oneself for the hectic day ahead, allow time to slow for a moment to a crawl.
Tranquility is related to self-discipline and self-control because it is fundamentally about controlling our reactions to outside events. Someone who is tranquil domainates their intial reaction to an unpleasent event such that they appear unaffected. To practice tranquility is thus by proxy an excercise in self-discipline, as is the case with most of the other areas of self-improvement.
The first step to being tranquil is to recognize what events are most likely to annoy or otherwise elicit a negative reactive response from you. For me, I often become aggravated when driving or when I feel I have been slighted or ignored. In these cases, I cede control of my happiness to external events instead of maintaining at all times control; I should be happy not for external reasons, but by the nature of my self.
Once one recognizes the areas in which they demonstrate weakness to tranquility, it is merely a steady exercise in actively reducing the reaction over time by being actively aware of it. This sounds simple, but obviously it is hard to accomplish as it is basically a raw exercise in willpower. But, over time, as awareness of overreaction to an external stimuli rises, it becomes easier to reduce the reaction. The ultimate goal (which is slightly unrealistic) is to be completely unaffected by this external stimuli.
So, in my day to day life, I will try to be aware of when I am full of reactionary anger, and reverse-engineer its source. Then, I will actively try to diminish over time my reaction to this source. Meditation will also allow me to be more mellow. In time, with deliberate practice, I will be in control of my own contentment instead of being vulnerable to outside influences.
As my month of discipline comes to a close, I want to finish writings about the rest of Ben Franklin's impressive areas of self-improvment. There are only two more after this one, so my goal is within reach. After Halloween, as November starts, this blog will fall into disrepair for a month as I concentrate on my marathon and writing a novel in only thirty days!
A reinterpretation of Ben Franklin's idea of tranquility is "don't fret the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." The idea is to simply take things in stride, to keep one's cool. How easy it is to find oneself incredibly aggrevated by a simple traffic jam or upset at oneself for making a trivial mistake. And yet, in the grand scheme of things, what initially seems to be a massive hindrence is soon forgotton.
The benefit of practicing tranquility is lower bloodpressure and overall contentment. People will notice that you are not purely reactive, that you have an inner calm most don't possess. When things don't go your way, you do not explode, you are not moved, you are unaffected.
At the risk of contributing even more to my overcomittedness, I think five minutes of quiet meditation a day would do wonders for my tranquility; this meditation can take place while I am stuck in traffic or perhaps as I start my morning. Meditation can ground oneself, prepare oneself for the hectic day ahead, allow time to slow for a moment to a crawl.
Tranquility is related to self-discipline and self-control because it is fundamentally about controlling our reactions to outside events. Someone who is tranquil domainates their intial reaction to an unpleasent event such that they appear unaffected. To practice tranquility is thus by proxy an excercise in self-discipline, as is the case with most of the other areas of self-improvement.
The first step to being tranquil is to recognize what events are most likely to annoy or otherwise elicit a negative reactive response from you. For me, I often become aggravated when driving or when I feel I have been slighted or ignored. In these cases, I cede control of my happiness to external events instead of maintaining at all times control; I should be happy not for external reasons, but by the nature of my self.
Once one recognizes the areas in which they demonstrate weakness to tranquility, it is merely a steady exercise in actively reducing the reaction over time by being actively aware of it. This sounds simple, but obviously it is hard to accomplish as it is basically a raw exercise in willpower. But, over time, as awareness of overreaction to an external stimuli rises, it becomes easier to reduce the reaction. The ultimate goal (which is slightly unrealistic) is to be completely unaffected by this external stimuli.
So, in my day to day life, I will try to be aware of when I am full of reactionary anger, and reverse-engineer its source. Then, I will actively try to diminish over time my reaction to this source. Meditation will also allow me to be more mellow. In time, with deliberate practice, I will be in control of my own contentment instead of being vulnerable to outside influences.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Day Twenty Four: Cleanliness
CLEANLINESS. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.
It is generally accepted that it is better to be clean than unclean, but why? Instinctually we feel that uncleanliness is gross, it is a social taboo. The reason why this social taboo is engrained in us is likely because uncleanliness can lead to sickness, which may in turn lead to death. Thus, there may be some genetic basis for a behavior of cleanness.
My problems with cleanliness are not related to the body or my clothes, but to my habitation. While I enjoy wearing fresh clothes and showering to avoid perpetuating a nice armoa of body odor, I loathe to clean up my house. The reason is that it feels like a menial task, one that I get nothing from, one that should be pushed aside to tackle issues of greater importance. So, it seems like this is a perfect task to engage in daily self-discipline practice. I must force myself to clean each day so that my habitation remains clean at all time, and reap the benefits of self-discipline exercise.
The first thing I should do, so that I can perpetuate this cleaning task, is to ensure that I have proper cleaning equiptment, that I am able to dust, that I am able to vacuum, that I can do everything that I should. While for whatever reason I dislike this sort of intitial investment, they are necessary items that I can use where-ever I live.
After I have the supplies, I simply need to set aside time each day, as I have for German lessons and writing this blog, that I will clean in. The hardest part of any new routine is making it a habit, not allowing for it to be an option in your mind, but a strict requirement without which the day is incomplete. The difficulty comes from tiredness, when you are ready to sleep, when the day wants so badly to end, but you have not yet finished your chores. This is when self-discipline becomes the hardest to practice, but is most important. When one makes a promise to oneself, it should never be broken. With repetition, you will realize that once you commit to a task, it is as good as done already.
But I digress...what is important here is cleanliness and developing habits that encourage a clean house. One habit I am going to try to enforce is to never do something in the spirit of laziness that I now will make the room even temporarily less clean. For example, dirty clothes often accumulate on the floor of my bathroom, eventually making the room a minefield of dirty gym clothes. From now on, I will always put things in their proper place, even when I am tired.
While I do not like the act of cleaning, I do enjoy a clean room. I feel less stress, more in charge of the situation, even though technically it would seem as if a dirty room is as functional as a clean one. Soon I will consistently know the feeling of a clean room, the reward for the menial chores of manual labor.
It is generally accepted that it is better to be clean than unclean, but why? Instinctually we feel that uncleanliness is gross, it is a social taboo. The reason why this social taboo is engrained in us is likely because uncleanliness can lead to sickness, which may in turn lead to death. Thus, there may be some genetic basis for a behavior of cleanness.
My problems with cleanliness are not related to the body or my clothes, but to my habitation. While I enjoy wearing fresh clothes and showering to avoid perpetuating a nice armoa of body odor, I loathe to clean up my house. The reason is that it feels like a menial task, one that I get nothing from, one that should be pushed aside to tackle issues of greater importance. So, it seems like this is a perfect task to engage in daily self-discipline practice. I must force myself to clean each day so that my habitation remains clean at all time, and reap the benefits of self-discipline exercise.
The first thing I should do, so that I can perpetuate this cleaning task, is to ensure that I have proper cleaning equiptment, that I am able to dust, that I am able to vacuum, that I can do everything that I should. While for whatever reason I dislike this sort of intitial investment, they are necessary items that I can use where-ever I live.
After I have the supplies, I simply need to set aside time each day, as I have for German lessons and writing this blog, that I will clean in. The hardest part of any new routine is making it a habit, not allowing for it to be an option in your mind, but a strict requirement without which the day is incomplete. The difficulty comes from tiredness, when you are ready to sleep, when the day wants so badly to end, but you have not yet finished your chores. This is when self-discipline becomes the hardest to practice, but is most important. When one makes a promise to oneself, it should never be broken. With repetition, you will realize that once you commit to a task, it is as good as done already.
But I digress...what is important here is cleanliness and developing habits that encourage a clean house. One habit I am going to try to enforce is to never do something in the spirit of laziness that I now will make the room even temporarily less clean. For example, dirty clothes often accumulate on the floor of my bathroom, eventually making the room a minefield of dirty gym clothes. From now on, I will always put things in their proper place, even when I am tired.
While I do not like the act of cleaning, I do enjoy a clean room. I feel less stress, more in charge of the situation, even though technically it would seem as if a dirty room is as functional as a clean one. Soon I will consistently know the feeling of a clean room, the reward for the menial chores of manual labor.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Day Twenty Three: Overcommiting?
Perhaps I've gone overboard in constructing too many goals for the near term. However, it is only by great effort that one can become great. I've decided that not only will I run a marathon in February, but I also will commit to writing an entire novel in the month of November, as a part of National novel writing month. I've always wanted to write a novel, so why wait? Of course, dear readers (you invisible souls), during novel writing month I will have to pause my activity here in order to dedicate all of my writing abilities to the mental marathon that such a large task will require.
On top of my mental marathon and actual marathon, I will have to maintain my research responsibilties as well; so, the question is, am I setting myself up for failure? Maybe. Maybe I am. But, if I can pull off this herculean task, it will be through efficient use of time and extraordinary self control. This month will have been but a warm up to greater challenges.
I am both excited and scared; these next few months will be months of great change. I am ready to embrace the destiny that awaits me at the end of these arduous tasks, and while the temptation will be strong to quit, I know that I will not, because I am a stronger person than I was only a few weeks ago, and that strength has not yet reached its apex. My will grows and I will grow with it.
We only live once, and at the end of our lives, as we sit nearly infirm in our beds, we will reflect on what we did. I do not want to reflect and wish that I had been better, had done more, had attempted what scared me. This month has been about generating momentum, and the months that follow are about exponentially ramping up that momentum so that I, like the juggernaut, can crash through the self-limiting beliefs and walls that I have erected for myself over so many years.
Today, I felt so alive, so vibrant, even as I slaved away on a paper. I knew that I could handle whatever it is that life would throw at me. I like this changed me, I like where I am heading. Although the path will be terribly difficult, and I will not often feel as positive as I do today, I believe sincerely that I will be better because of this journey and do not want to concede defeat just yet.
In november I will write fifty thousand words, and in february I will take fifty thousand steps, the body will follow where the mind leads. Now, while I have the vantage point of a manic high I revel already in the completion of my goals, which will only be accomplished through the tedium of day to day work. I may fail, this I acknowledge; but I hope I do not, I hope that me in a few weeks can maintain this momentum and force through the short term pain to reach long term freedom from my self-destructive habits.
Tomorrow will be the first run for marathon training, I must get a new pair of shoes to christen for this momentous occassion. My momentum must accumulate, I must keep moving.
On top of my mental marathon and actual marathon, I will have to maintain my research responsibilties as well; so, the question is, am I setting myself up for failure? Maybe. Maybe I am. But, if I can pull off this herculean task, it will be through efficient use of time and extraordinary self control. This month will have been but a warm up to greater challenges.
I am both excited and scared; these next few months will be months of great change. I am ready to embrace the destiny that awaits me at the end of these arduous tasks, and while the temptation will be strong to quit, I know that I will not, because I am a stronger person than I was only a few weeks ago, and that strength has not yet reached its apex. My will grows and I will grow with it.
We only live once, and at the end of our lives, as we sit nearly infirm in our beds, we will reflect on what we did. I do not want to reflect and wish that I had been better, had done more, had attempted what scared me. This month has been about generating momentum, and the months that follow are about exponentially ramping up that momentum so that I, like the juggernaut, can crash through the self-limiting beliefs and walls that I have erected for myself over so many years.
Today, I felt so alive, so vibrant, even as I slaved away on a paper. I knew that I could handle whatever it is that life would throw at me. I like this changed me, I like where I am heading. Although the path will be terribly difficult, and I will not often feel as positive as I do today, I believe sincerely that I will be better because of this journey and do not want to concede defeat just yet.
In november I will write fifty thousand words, and in february I will take fifty thousand steps, the body will follow where the mind leads. Now, while I have the vantage point of a manic high I revel already in the completion of my goals, which will only be accomplished through the tedium of day to day work. I may fail, this I acknowledge; but I hope I do not, I hope that me in a few weeks can maintain this momentum and force through the short term pain to reach long term freedom from my self-destructive habits.
Tomorrow will be the first run for marathon training, I must get a new pair of shoes to christen for this momentous occassion. My momentum must accumulate, I must keep moving.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Day Twenty Two: The Plateau Destoyer
The past few days, I felt as if I had reached a plateau in my month of self-discipline; I was meeting my goals, but it felt like I wasn't challenging myself as much as I should be. So, while I was at a Halloween party (and not drinking!) yesterday, a girl mentioned that she had begun training for a marathon. Somehow, I convinced myself that the best idea for me would be to follow suit.
And now, I am telling people about my decision so that I am locked in and invested. It is a natural next step, one that will carry me far beyond my month of discipline. it will affect my diet, my activities, and challenge me to a great extent. It is in some ways a perfect fit, although I do dread the long runs and the infamous 'wall'.
At the same time, I wonder why we have this obsession with the marathon. So many people make such a big deal out if it. To be honest, I don't think I will feel any differently after completing the run, after all, it is just some arbitrary goal of running for an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary amount of time. Who cares? Well, I'm not really that cynical, but the whole point is that it is a very challenging task that most people are unable to accomplish and that, barring injury, I will accomplish in approximately four months.
Incremental progress, thats the name of the marathon game. I looked at the workout plans, and you can just see the mileage per week creep up over time. I am both excited and scared for this new task; I wonder if I have time and energy to divert from my studies to this new goal. Although perhaps this concern is unwarranted; I will have nothing but my thoughts to save me from boredom and my mind will inevitably drift to the problems of my research.
As was said in the Bruce Lee movie, "Enter the Dragon": We forge our bodies in the furnace of our will. So my body will become a lean running machine through the repetition of many steps on many different days. Each individual run will have negligable effect, but over time, as moving water slowly carves a river, I will carve twenty six miles and enter an elite subclass (1%) of all people living on this globe.
Each day I will be forced to excercise not only my body but also my willpower. I do not enjoy running for running's sake, it is a means to an end on my quest for self-discipline. I know that I am becoming more disciplined, but my progress is not yet satisfactory. This difficult path that will unfold slowly and painfully and culminate in a few hours of running and more days of recovery, is but a physical analogy for the process of denying my primal instincts. Instead of sitting on a couch eating fried chicken day in and out (which might be a sort of wonderful heaven), I engage my willpower to take me out in the world and accomplish the tasks I have set for myself.
Four months from now, I will have finished my first (and most likely, only) marathon.
And now, I am telling people about my decision so that I am locked in and invested. It is a natural next step, one that will carry me far beyond my month of discipline. it will affect my diet, my activities, and challenge me to a great extent. It is in some ways a perfect fit, although I do dread the long runs and the infamous 'wall'.
At the same time, I wonder why we have this obsession with the marathon. So many people make such a big deal out if it. To be honest, I don't think I will feel any differently after completing the run, after all, it is just some arbitrary goal of running for an arbitrary distance in an arbitrary amount of time. Who cares? Well, I'm not really that cynical, but the whole point is that it is a very challenging task that most people are unable to accomplish and that, barring injury, I will accomplish in approximately four months.
Incremental progress, thats the name of the marathon game. I looked at the workout plans, and you can just see the mileage per week creep up over time. I am both excited and scared for this new task; I wonder if I have time and energy to divert from my studies to this new goal. Although perhaps this concern is unwarranted; I will have nothing but my thoughts to save me from boredom and my mind will inevitably drift to the problems of my research.
As was said in the Bruce Lee movie, "Enter the Dragon": We forge our bodies in the furnace of our will. So my body will become a lean running machine through the repetition of many steps on many different days. Each individual run will have negligable effect, but over time, as moving water slowly carves a river, I will carve twenty six miles and enter an elite subclass (1%) of all people living on this globe.
Each day I will be forced to excercise not only my body but also my willpower. I do not enjoy running for running's sake, it is a means to an end on my quest for self-discipline. I know that I am becoming more disciplined, but my progress is not yet satisfactory. This difficult path that will unfold slowly and painfully and culminate in a few hours of running and more days of recovery, is but a physical analogy for the process of denying my primal instincts. Instead of sitting on a couch eating fried chicken day in and out (which might be a sort of wonderful heaven), I engage my willpower to take me out in the world and accomplish the tasks I have set for myself.
Four months from now, I will have finished my first (and most likely, only) marathon.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Day Twenty One: A Strange Plateau?
Today I am in a rush to write these words, as I must write them before I head out for a night of adventure. The weekend nights are always the most exciting, as you never know exactly what might happen. For any given day, a given series of events seems to unfold, and there is not much surprise. That is why we say we live for the weekends.
The weekends are our wholly own, while the week is only tenously ours. A large portion of it is granted to some employer, and the rest might be spent in winding down preparing to grant the same employer yet another eight hours.
When you are out on the town, you hope and pray for adventure. As Vonnegut wrote about in his birthday present to himself, Breakfist of Champions, we seek in our own lives the excitment and tempo of a novel, the unexpected events, the build-up of tension, and the perfect cathartic release. Of course, life is not this way at all, it is merely hollowood and idealized novels that promote this untenable sequence of thoughts.
At some level, we all believe ourselves to be central, we all have an egocentric perspective from behind our own eyes. Our own thoughts are the only ones we have access to, and this biases us towards a playful pretending that the universe really does revolve around us; a soliplistic fantasy that conflicts with everyone else's fantasy.
So, often we are disappointed by our weekends, by our lives, that do not live up to some magical fairytale standard that is imprinted upon us by childhood stories. Some of us become jaded, and after questioning what this strange life is really all about, we reach a nihlstic answer: it is all meaningless. And yet, it is all that we have, all that we will ever have, so each moment is infinitely precious. It is a strange paradox, but one we live with every day, if only subconsciously.
As I head out the door from reality to fantasy, from weekday to weekend, from messy narrative to ideal plot, I hold on romantically to the promise of the unexpected adventures that await beyond.
The weekends are our wholly own, while the week is only tenously ours. A large portion of it is granted to some employer, and the rest might be spent in winding down preparing to grant the same employer yet another eight hours.
When you are out on the town, you hope and pray for adventure. As Vonnegut wrote about in his birthday present to himself, Breakfist of Champions, we seek in our own lives the excitment and tempo of a novel, the unexpected events, the build-up of tension, and the perfect cathartic release. Of course, life is not this way at all, it is merely hollowood and idealized novels that promote this untenable sequence of thoughts.
At some level, we all believe ourselves to be central, we all have an egocentric perspective from behind our own eyes. Our own thoughts are the only ones we have access to, and this biases us towards a playful pretending that the universe really does revolve around us; a soliplistic fantasy that conflicts with everyone else's fantasy.
So, often we are disappointed by our weekends, by our lives, that do not live up to some magical fairytale standard that is imprinted upon us by childhood stories. Some of us become jaded, and after questioning what this strange life is really all about, we reach a nihlstic answer: it is all meaningless. And yet, it is all that we have, all that we will ever have, so each moment is infinitely precious. It is a strange paradox, but one we live with every day, if only subconsciously.
As I head out the door from reality to fantasy, from weekday to weekend, from messy narrative to ideal plot, I hold on romantically to the promise of the unexpected adventures that await beyond.
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